Hee, I'd like to come back in half an hour too! ;-)
just a tiny thing: Having spent entirely too many nights sitting exactly where he was, he managed to competently order for everyone. In this bit, though it becomes obvious as he's the only one not playing, but it would read more smoothly if you named Andy here ('...exactly where he was, Andy/Zeklos/Andrej managed to...'). I found myself floundering for a bit there!
Otherwise, this reads so wonderfully! And I do love a flustered Zayne almost as much as James! ;-)
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Hee, I'd like to come back in half an hour too! ;-)
just a tiny thing: Having spent entirely too many nights sitting exactly where he was, he managed to competently order for everyone. In this bit, though it becomes obvious as he's the only one not playing, but it would read more smoothly if you named Andy here ('...exactly where he was, Andy/Zeklos/Andrej managed to...'). I found myself floundering for a bit there!
Otherwise, this reads so wonderfully! And I do love a flustered Zayne almost as much as James! ;-)