asphaltcowgrrl (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
asphaltcowgrrl) wrote2015-08-21 02:37 pm
asphaltcowgrrl) wrote2015-08-21 02:37 pm
Entry tags:
Ryan's Regrets (Castle Fic)
Title: Ryan’s Regrets
Fandom: Castle
Pairing: Gen, hints of Ryan/Esposito
Rating: PG-13 for some language.
Word Count: 652
Summary: Ryan thinks about his partner and misses him.
Author’s note: I love the relationship that Ryan and Esposito have in cannon and while I’m not a total shipper, I can definitely see the two of them having unresolved feelings for each other. Especially Ryan. I’m a bit down today, so this is rather angsty and sad. But hopefully it ends positively. Written for week three of the August Rush challenge at![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
1_million_words.
He could remember the color of Beckett’s dress at the funeral. A somber navy with a modest hemline that did nothing for her beautiful figure. The blush on her cheeks was the same soft color as the rose tucked into the pocket of Espo’s suit jacket. An odd sort of coincidence, true, but one that socked him in the gut like a sucker punch from the enemy.
Seeing Kate looking so devastated and lost, even with Castle by her side, was nearly his undoing. She and Rick had lost someone, too, but it wasn’t the same. Not even close. Ryan had lost more than his best friend and partner that day. He’d lost everything that had ever mattered to him as well.
Ryan looked up from the case file on his desk and studied the empty chair sitting across from him. It had been seventeen days and six hours since the last time he saw his partner, Javier Esposito, as he was being laid to rest. They had told him that it would get easier, but in truth, every damn day got harder and harder. Two weeks ago, they’d been watching a football game together and today? Today Ryan was sitting at his desk, staring at his partner’s vacant chair, willing himself not to cry.
It was so fucked up that he didn’t even know where to begin. How do you get over someone you never knew you loved until it was too late?
In the three weeks since Espo’s death, Captain Gates had sent fifteen different prospective detectives through their unit in hopes that one would stick. Beckett and Castle had tried their best to give each newbie a place to belong, but Ryan couldn’t find it in him to even make a half assed attempt. He viewed each potential replacement as a threat and had reacted accordingly. That had backfired magnificently, landing him in required trauma counseling until such time as he was able to treat others respectfully.
Fat chance of that.
He partially remembered telling the department appointed counselor to ‘bring back my fucking partner you prick and the problem will be solved’.
Kate had told him he was out of time. She had an interview with yet another possible replacement for Espositio, although she refused to call him that. He was an ‘addition to the team’ according to her, but he knew better. This asshole was trying to replace his partner and that wasn’t going to fly. Not with Ryan. It broke his heart all over again when she told him that this new guy was the perfect fit. He was young, handsome, and intelligent. He remarkably reminded her of Javi.
Bullshit.
No one was like Javi.
Someone set a cup of coffee down in front of him. The smell was heavenly and despite his melancholy, Ryan looked up to thank Beckett or Castle or hell, even possibly Gates, for the gift from the gods. Instead of seeing a familiar, worried face hovering over him, he ran smack dab into a pair of chocolate colored eyes surrounded by familiar caramel skin.
Ryan blinked, shook his head to clear the cobwebs, and looked again. No, not a ghost from beyond the grave, but at first glance he certainly appeared to be. “Hello,” he choked out.
The face smiled. “Detective Ryan,” he said, holding out a hand. “I’m your new partner, Johnny Wilson. I knew Javier Esposito well and mourn his loss.”
“He was a good man,” Ryan choked out. He took Wilson’s hand in his own and gave a hearty shake.
“The best,” Wilson agreed. “No one like Espo.”
Ryan looked over his shoulder and saw Beckett smile at them. She knew all along. He gave her a slight nod in return, silently thanking the gods for finally giving him a way to heal. To hopefully move on.
Even if his heart wasn’t ever able to do the same.
Fandom: Castle
Pairing: Gen, hints of Ryan/Esposito
Rating: PG-13 for some language.
Word Count: 652
Summary: Ryan thinks about his partner and misses him.
Author’s note: I love the relationship that Ryan and Esposito have in cannon and while I’m not a total shipper, I can definitely see the two of them having unresolved feelings for each other. Especially Ryan. I’m a bit down today, so this is rather angsty and sad. But hopefully it ends positively. Written for week three of the August Rush challenge at
1_million_words.He could remember the color of Beckett’s dress at the funeral. A somber navy with a modest hemline that did nothing for her beautiful figure. The blush on her cheeks was the same soft color as the rose tucked into the pocket of Espo’s suit jacket. An odd sort of coincidence, true, but one that socked him in the gut like a sucker punch from the enemy.
Seeing Kate looking so devastated and lost, even with Castle by her side, was nearly his undoing. She and Rick had lost someone, too, but it wasn’t the same. Not even close. Ryan had lost more than his best friend and partner that day. He’d lost everything that had ever mattered to him as well.
Ryan looked up from the case file on his desk and studied the empty chair sitting across from him. It had been seventeen days and six hours since the last time he saw his partner, Javier Esposito, as he was being laid to rest. They had told him that it would get easier, but in truth, every damn day got harder and harder. Two weeks ago, they’d been watching a football game together and today? Today Ryan was sitting at his desk, staring at his partner’s vacant chair, willing himself not to cry.
It was so fucked up that he didn’t even know where to begin. How do you get over someone you never knew you loved until it was too late?
In the three weeks since Espo’s death, Captain Gates had sent fifteen different prospective detectives through their unit in hopes that one would stick. Beckett and Castle had tried their best to give each newbie a place to belong, but Ryan couldn’t find it in him to even make a half assed attempt. He viewed each potential replacement as a threat and had reacted accordingly. That had backfired magnificently, landing him in required trauma counseling until such time as he was able to treat others respectfully.
Fat chance of that.
He partially remembered telling the department appointed counselor to ‘bring back my fucking partner you prick and the problem will be solved’.
Kate had told him he was out of time. She had an interview with yet another possible replacement for Espositio, although she refused to call him that. He was an ‘addition to the team’ according to her, but he knew better. This asshole was trying to replace his partner and that wasn’t going to fly. Not with Ryan. It broke his heart all over again when she told him that this new guy was the perfect fit. He was young, handsome, and intelligent. He remarkably reminded her of Javi.
Bullshit.
No one was like Javi.
Someone set a cup of coffee down in front of him. The smell was heavenly and despite his melancholy, Ryan looked up to thank Beckett or Castle or hell, even possibly Gates, for the gift from the gods. Instead of seeing a familiar, worried face hovering over him, he ran smack dab into a pair of chocolate colored eyes surrounded by familiar caramel skin.
Ryan blinked, shook his head to clear the cobwebs, and looked again. No, not a ghost from beyond the grave, but at first glance he certainly appeared to be. “Hello,” he choked out.
The face smiled. “Detective Ryan,” he said, holding out a hand. “I’m your new partner, Johnny Wilson. I knew Javier Esposito well and mourn his loss.”
“He was a good man,” Ryan choked out. He took Wilson’s hand in his own and gave a hearty shake.
“The best,” Wilson agreed. “No one like Espo.”
Ryan looked over his shoulder and saw Beckett smile at them. She knew all along. He gave her a slight nod in return, silently thanking the gods for finally giving him a way to heal. To hopefully move on.
Even if his heart wasn’t ever able to do the same.