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asphaltcowgrrlTitle: Epiphanies
Fandom: Romani Detective Original Fiction
Pairing: Andrej Zeklos/James Rosewood/Zayne Reyes
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4,103
Summary: James and Zayne have gotten into trouble again and get sent to counseling by their captains.
Author’s Notes: Written for the weekend challenge at 1_million_words. My prompts were: ability to adapt and don’t like to lose.
“This is bullshit,” Zayne muttered. He flipped through a magazine he’d found on the small table that sat between himself and James.
“You can blame yourself for that,” James shot back. “It’s your fault we’re even here.”
“Please,” Andrej begged. “This is not helping. If you keep fighting, you’ll –”
“Zayne Reyes,” the receptionist asked, interrupting Andrej before he could finish his warning. She checked her clipboard. “And a James Rosewood?”
“They are here,” Andrej said, jumping in before either of his boyfriends could deny their existence. “Go,” he said. “And be on your best behavior.”
Predictably, Zayne snorted, and James rolled his eyes as they got up and followed the young woman out of the waiting room. Once they’d been led into the inner office, Andrej sat in the chair Zayne had vacated and slumped, elbows on knees, head in his hands.
“How did it get to this,” he asked no one. “Again.”
--
“Detectives,” the department psychologist said, taking a seat behind her desk. “This is a very unusual situation you’ve gotten yourselves into.”
“It’s his fault,” James muttered.
Zayne sighed and said nothing. Surprising both James and the doctor.
“Detective Reyes,” she said, turning her attention to him. “Nothing to say to defend yourself?”
“What’s the point,” he asked, shooting a nasty look in the redhead’s direction. “Every time something like this happens, he blames me, and it always sticks. So, why fight it?”
“I mean,” James said with a half-shrug, “if it’s true?”
“So, you don’t think that you have any culpability in what transpired, Detective Rosewood?”
James crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in the chair. “Nope.”
“None at all,” Zayne asked. “Of course not. Why would the golden boy have to be accountable for his actions.” He shook his head, disgusted. Zayne leaned back and rested his left foot on his right knee.
James opened his mouth to respond but the doctor held up a hand. “Why don’t you two tell me what happened. Detective Reyes, you can start.”
Zayne gave James a wary look, but the redhead remained quiet. “It started with a misunderstanding.” James grunted, but Zayne let it go. “I was talking to Zek and –”
“Jesus, Zayne,” James interrupted. “Can you not use his name? When you were just partners, I got it, but you’re living with him now. Why can’t you ever use his first name?”
He looked at the floor for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “Habit, okay? We were partners for a decade, gingerbread.”
“I guess I never thought about that,” James admitted.
Zayne shrugged, not sure what to do with James’ acquiescence. “Anyway, I was talking to Andrej,” he shot a quick glance at the redhead before continuing. “We were in the locker room because some jackass we were interviewing got pissy and threw his soda at Zek. Er, I mean, Andrej. All over his new white shirt, too.”
“Andy was in front of his locker in nothing but his suit pants,” James said, a hint of color in his cheeks. “And Zayne was leaning against the next locker, just watching.”
“We were talking about what Zek had said to piss off the suspect,” Zayne said, exasperated. They’d been over this a million times. Zeklos had even confirmed that that was what they’d been doing. And yet, the narco wouldn’t let it go. So what if his eyes had drifted a bit? He and Zek were in a relationship after all.
“But you kept touching him, Zayne!” The hint of color in James’ cheeks had deepened and spread.
“There was a bruise on his shoulder,” Zayne said, tapping a spot on his own shoulder to illustrate his point. “I was asking where it came from. He’d gotten knocked into a wall by a clumsy forensic guy a couple days before.”
“Sure, Reyes,” James said in a way that showed he wasn’t buying it.
Choosing to ignore James, he continued. “We were discussing our next moves when the narco here decided to insert himself into the conversation.”
“I can’t stop and ask my boyfriend why he’s half naked in the middle of the day?” James gave his head an annoyed shake. “I was worried something bad had happened. Something worse than a soft drink accident.”
“You would have been the first to know if something bad had happened, Rosewood,” Zayne snapped. “You might piss me the hell off sometimes, but I wouldn’t ever want you to hear that Zek had been hurt through the grapevine.” He breathed in sharply, trying to get control of his anger. “At the very least, I would have had Maxwell or Rollins call you.”
“Where is the misunderstanding,” the doctor asked, her eyes moving from Zayne to James and back.
“I saw a few scratches in the area near the bruise,” Zayne said, feeling his face flush at what he was about to say in front of this doctor. Even with as far as he’d come in accepting his bisexuality, it still sometimes embarrassed him to talk about it with strangers. “They looked red and a little irritated, so I turned him towards me and leaned in closer to see if I could tell if they were infected. He takes really good care of himself, but I still worry.”
“Because he’s your meal ticket,” James muttered.
Zayne closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath. “You know what? I’ll go to the chief and tell him that this was all my fault and that you shouldn’t be held responsible, okay?” He looked at the floor. “Nothing good will come out of this otherwise.”
“Why do you say that, Zayne,” the doctor asked.
Because Zeklos always assumed it was his fault? Because everything always wound up being his fault? He shook his head. “I’m an asshole,” he said, flatly. “I’ve got an awful reputation for being a troublemaker and it’s not completely unearned. Being partnered with Zeklos – um, Andrej – had changed that. He’s helped me become not just a better detective, but a better person.”
“He does lead by example,” James offered.
“But the fact is that Rosewood here thinks I was trying to seduce our boyfriend in the station’s locker room. He refuses to believe I had no inappropriate intentions that day. And yet, he still pushed me away from Zeklos, sending me into a nearby recruit.” He ran his fingers angrily through his hair. “I’ve been suspended before, and I have no doubt my big mouth will get me suspended again sometime. So, why not take the brunt of the blame?”
James frowned. “Why would you though? It’s not like I’m anything to you other than an obstacle to what you really want.”
“What do you think he really wants, James?”
He gave the therapist a disbelieving look. “He wants Andy, of course.”
“The hell, narco?” Zayne stood up and paced the small office. “What does that even mean? I have him eighteen hours a day usually.”
“You want him to yourself,” James clarified. “And you were making a point that day in the locker room, too.”
“How so?”
He didn’t even glance at the doctor this time, he was fully focused on Zayne. “You knew that if I got that close to him, someone would have said something, whining about how ‘the gays’ couldn’t control themselves around each other or some other stupid, homophobic bullshit. But you,” he huffed out an angry breath and pointed at Zayne. “You can get away with it because while you’re sleeping with him, most of the station doesn’t know that. They just know that you’re his partner and that you fail to respect anyone’s boundaries.”
Zayne threw his hands up. “I’m done. I’ll take the blame and I’ll even start looking for a new place to live.” He stopped his pacing and locked eyes with the redhead. “You win. Happy?”
“Hell no, I’m not happy,” James shot back. “You hate to lose, Reyes. I can’t even imagine what kind of crap you’re going to pull to get back at me for this later.”
He held his hands out in front of him, palms up. “This is all I have to give, Jay. I’m done.”
James blinked at Zayne’s use of his nickname. Zayne hadn’t even realized he’d said it himself until he saw the ginger’s face.
“I’m sorry,” he said to the doctor. “I’m not sure what you will tell my captain and I hope I haven’t made your job harder, but I have to go.”
With that, he turned on his heel and walked out of the doctor’s office.
--
“Zayne,” Andrej said as he walked past. “Is your session over already? It has not been an hour yet.”
“My session is over,” Zayne said, not slowing. “Rosewood might be in there for a bit longer.”
“Wait,” Andrej called, but he didn’t slow down.
Out in the parking lot, he remembered that he’d ridden over with Zeklos and cursed. Taking his phone out of his pocket, he ordered a rideshare and started walking towards the corner where there was a convenience store. He could wait there in peace and not worry about being confronted by either of his soon-to-be ex-boyfriends.
--
“He’s going to get us both suspended, or worse,” James growled after the door had shut behind Zayne.
“Why do you feel like you aren’t anything to him,” the doctor asked.
“What?” James whipped his head around and goggled at her, confused by the question.
She glanced at her notes before responding. “You said, ‘it’s not like I’m anything to you’, before suggesting you were an obstacle to his goals. I’m going to ignore the second part of that and focus on the first.” She folded her hands in her lap and leaned forward a bit. “Why would he put so much effort into convincing you that what you witnessed was a misunderstanding if you were nothing more than one more hurdle he had to overcome? Does that make any sense to you?”
James pursed his lips. “You don’t know how he operates. It’s the kind of mind game he’d play to make me wonder what his real goal was.”
“And you think that your boyfriend, Andrej, would help him with that?”
“No,” he said, disgusted. “Andy wouldn’t ever play along with Zayne like that.”
“So, why can’t Zayne be telling the truth now?”
He didn’t like that question at all. It made him think that maybe, possibly, he’d overreacted. But he knew in his gut that he hadn’t. Zayne had this uncanny ability to adapt his assholery to any occasion, especially if it meant getting one over on the competition.
“Detective?”
James picked at a loose thread on his shirt. “I don’t know.”
“Would you care to speculate a bit?” She leaned back in her chair, crossed one leg over the other, and waited.
“Not particularly,” he muttered.
The tiniest bit of a smile appeared on the doctor’s face. “How about you try for me.” She paused. “And for your very complicated relationship.”
James heaved a sigh and scratched his chin, stalling for time. He had an inkling about why he was so hellbent on proving that Zayne was lying, but he wasn’t sure he could admit to it. Confessing his own insecurities was never easy for him.
“James?”
“Look,” he said, holding his hands out in front of him. “I don’t deal well with emotions, okay?” He huffed out a little laugh. “Neither does the cowboy, if I’m being honest, but he’s a sight better than I am.”
“What makes him better at it than you,” she asked.
“He had parents who cared?” He said it as a question, but it wasn’t. He knew it was the truth. “He’s a damn hothead, but he also embraces all of his turbulent emotions.”
“And you,” she prompted.
“Me?” He choked out a self-deprecating laugh. “Me, on the other hand, I was the oldest of seven and was put to work caring for the younger ones as soon as my parents thought me capable.”
“Which,” the doctor said, “in cases like this, is often way earlier than it should be.”
“You’ve got that right,” he grunted. “But I learned really quickly that my feelings were secondary to whatever sibling I was caring for at the time. So, I pushed it all down or away.”
“Except anger,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, except anger. It was the only thing that got anyone’s attention.” The only thing that got him noticed by the ones he loved. Oh.
A real smile blossomed on the doctor’s face then. “I’m guessing by the look on your face right now, you’ve had an epiphany.”
“Yeah, I think I might have,” he conceded. “Can I go now?”
She looked at her watch and nodded. “Tell your partner that I will not clear him to go back to work until he comes to see me, okay?”
“You’ve got it,” James said, exiting the office and heading for the lobby.
--
“Oh, there you are,” Andrej said as James stopped short in front of him.
“Where’s Reyes,” James asked, the bottom falling out of his stomach.
“He left,” Andrej sighed.
“But – but didn’t he ride here with you?”
Andrej frowned. “He did. I suspect he used the app on his phone to call a ride because he has not returned.”
“Ah, shit,” James said.
“My thoughts precisely.”
--
Zayne thanked the rideshare driver and got out of the car. He stared at the house for a long moment, trying to figure out if he should go inside and wait, or get in his truck and leave. Cutting his losses was usually his game plan – cut and run as his brother liked to say – but he wasn’t sure it was what he wanted this time. He’d worked so damn hard to build a good life here. It hadn’t always been easy, but he’d managed.
“Fuck it,” he muttered. Using the app on his phone, he opened the garage door and went into the house.
He was in the process of folding the last couple of t-shirts in his laundry basket when he heard the garage door open. Pushing aside the open suitcase, he set the shirt down and went to confront his fears.
“See, Jay, he is here,” Andrej said, pointing a finger in his direction. “He made it home safely.”
“Would have put money on him being in a bar,” James replied.
He opened his mouth to shoot a snotty comment back at the redhead when the tone of James’ words processed. There was a distinct lack of disdain or accusation to them, and it stopped him cold. “Why were you betting I’d be in a bar, gingerbread?”
James looked his way, locking his eyes onto Zayne. “Because I was an asshole. Because I’ve been an asshole, Zayne. I need a drink after that session. Wouldn’t surprise me if you did, too.”
“Huh,” Zayne said, stymied. “Interesting. Anyway, I’m going to go finish packing and I’ll be out of your hair.”
He turned and moved towards the hall when a strong hand gripped his arm. Expecting it to be James, he was surprised to see it was his partner holding onto him with such force. “Zek, it’s okay, let me go.”
Andrej shook his head, fear in his eyes.
“I’m not going anywhere, it’s okay.”
“You just said you were packing,” James reminded him.
“Yeah, I did.” Zayne pried Andrej’s fingers off his forearm one at a time. It was not as easy as it looked, either. He wondered if yoga gave you grip strength because damn the boy had a hold on him.
“If you aren’t going anywhere,” James said, enunciating each word slowly and carefully, “then why are you packing?”
“I had a thought while I was folding my clothes,” he said. “I think that maybe it’s time I moved out and got my own place again.”
“Why?”
Zayne turned his attention towards Andrej. “Because as long as I’m here, with you, he’s never going to be able to get past his jealousy.” He met James’ gaze over his shoulder. “And I get that. I’d probably be having similar issues if our situation were reversed.”
“The difference is,” James said quietly, “that you’d admit to what you were feeling. We’d make fun of you, you’d get mad, but it’d be out in the open for us to deal with.”
“What are you saying, Jay,” Andrej asked, his eyes moving from the redhead to the Texan. “I am very confused.”
“You and me both,” James said with a laugh. “I had a revelation in the doctor’s office after you left.”
“What do you mean,” Zayne asked, stepping closer to James.
“I mean, that it finally hit me that I’m shit at relationships.” He held up a hand to stop the protests of both men. “I was telling her about how I was parentified as a child and how it forced me to swallow all my feelings because no one had time for my emotions, you know?”
“I wish I could relate,” Zayne said, feeling the words out as he went. “But I was labeled the troubled, angry one early on and I embraced every feeling I had. No one thought I’d amount to anything, so they let me be messy.”
James laughed out loud. “That explains so much, cowboy.”
“I understand somewhat,” Andrej said. “I am the oldest as well and had a lot of responsibility when it came to my siblings. However, my mother and grandmother were both there to intervene. It was never only my job. Not until after my mom died anyway.” He visibly shook off the memory. “It is not fair to make your child raise your other children.”
“It’s common in these fundie and fundie-adjacent religions though, Zek,” Zayne said.
“How the hell do you know that,” James asked, surprised.
“Zek subscribed to Discovery+ and I went down a documentary rabbit hole one night when I couldn’t sleep,” he confessed. “The Duggers, the Browns, the IBLP and Hillsong? It’s some fucked up shit, gingerbread.”
They both stared at him; Zayne shrugged.
“You were saying,” Zayne prompted.
“What I realized was that the only time anyone really paid much attention to me was when I’d get fed up and pitch a fit.”
“You weren’t keeping sweet, baby,” Zayne teased.
“Far from it,” he agreed. “And while that keep sweet bullshit was mostly pushed on the girls, my outbursts were an embarrassment to my parents, so they reacted quickly and swiftly.”
“It was the only way,” Zayne said, nodding.
“And apparently anytime I want someone’s attention, I pick a fight.” James looked away.
“You are not like that with me,” Andrej said. He looked to Zayne for confirmation.
“Probably because you often make the first move,” Zayne said. “Asking him over for dinner, to say after dinner’s over, washing his clothes like you do mine. That kind of thing goes a long way when someone feels like no one wants them.”
James had another flash of insight. “I think I finally get it.”
“Get what,” Andrej asked.
“Why he’s so protective of you,” James said. “Why he gets so damn defensive whenever he’s challenged.” James rubbed his temples. “Why he said he gave up and stormed out of the therapy session earlier.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Zayne dropped heavily into his armchair.
“You have good parents,” James said. It was true, he’d met them even. They loved Zayne even when he was at his worst. “But your asshole brother really tips the scale. He needs so much attention that I’m sure they feel like if they don’t give it to him right away, he’ll cause a commotion.”
“That’s Robby for you,” Zayne confirmed.
“I am so very confused,” Andrej said, taking his favorite spot on the sofa.
“You take care of him, so he protects you. It’s all he knows. And he was protecting you in his own weird way that day I found you in the locker room. I should have seen it.”
Zayne grinned. “So, you picked a fight with me because you wanted me to kiss your boo boos, narco?”
“What?” James’ face flushed with embarrassment. “No, that’s not what I was getting at!”
Andrej snorted softly, then began laughing in earnest.
“Why’s Zek laughing?”
“No clue, cowboy.”
“It is all so clear now,” Andrej said between giggles. “He loves you, Zayne,” he spluttered. “It is why he always starts fights with you. And I – I think,” he couldn’t breathe through all the laughter for a moment. “I think it is why you like sparring with him so much. I am confident that arguing is the only way you have ever communicated with your brother. It is – what do they call it? Your love language?”
Andrej wrapped his arms around his middle and bent over, the laughter rolling out of him in an unstoppable wave.
“Not sure why this is so funny,” Zayne grumbled. His lips twitched against his will, a chuckle surfacing from somewhere. “But his laugh is contagious.”
“He does have a great laugh,” James agreed. He sat next to Andrej on the sofa, resting a hand on his back.
Andrej pulled himself together and wiped the tears from his cheeks. “I am sorry. It was simply too funny when I realized that you fight to show affection or to get affection.” He dabbed at his right eye. “Maybe the two of you should consider couples counseling?”
“I think I might actually stick with one-on-one counseling for the moment,” James said, shocking everyone, including himself. “I had no idea how much I was carrying around. It might be good for me.” He smiled at Zayne. “Might help you, too.”
“Maybe,” Zayne said, with a curt nod.
“Speaking of which, Doctor Weston said that you can’t go back to work until you sit through a session with her. I think she just wants to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’ll call first thing in the morning and make an appointment.” He looked at his partner. “Don’t let me forget, okay?”
“I will remind you before I leave,” Andrej agreed. His phone rang and he studied the caller ID. “I will be right back. Excuse me.”
Andrej left the room and Zayne moved onto the empty cushion beside James. “Are you okay? That kind of shit can be tough to deal with.”
James nodded. “It’s a lot to unpack, but I kind of knew it was there all along, you know? It’s why I am thinking of making another appointment with the therapist.” He watched Zayne closely, waiting for the joke, he supposed.
“Do what you need to do,” Zayne said instead. “We good?”
“We are,” James said. “On one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“That you go unpack your suitcase.”
Zayne grinned. “I hadn’t actually started. I was still folding all my damn clothes when you two arrived.”
“You’re awful,” James said.
“But you love me?” There was a hint of a question there.
“For better or for worse, Reyes.”
“Good,” he said, rising from the couch. “Now that I’ve folded all that shit, I probably ought to put it away, too.”
“Might be helpful,” James joked. He held out his hand. “Give me a hand and I’ll come help you.”
Zayne gripped James’ hand and hauled him to his feet. “I can put them away myself, but the company would be nice.”
“I think I can manage to be decent company. For a few minutes anyway.”
--
Andrej slipped his phone back into his pocket and went in search of his boyfriends. Zayne stood at the foot of the bed, a pair of socks in one hand, the other outstretched in a familiar gesture. James sat on one side of the bed, one foot resting on his knee, the other hanging off the edge of the bed. He was watching Zayne closely and they seemed to be getting along. Stepping back before either could see him, Andrej slipped back out into the living room. He’d figure out what to make for dinner and let his boys just be for a bit.
This is what progress looked like, he thought. Well, right up until they decided that they’d had enough self-growth and reverted to their old ways. But whatever happened, they had gained a bit of insight into the hows and whys of their actions. All he could do was pray that it helped them be kinder to each other in the future.
A burst of laughter from down the hall interrupted his thoughts. Andrej smiled and grabbed the cookbook he’d left out earlier and started searching for dinner.
Fandom: Romani Detective Original Fiction
Pairing: Andrej Zeklos/James Rosewood/Zayne Reyes
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 4,103
Summary: James and Zayne have gotten into trouble again and get sent to counseling by their captains.
Author’s Notes: Written for the weekend challenge at 1_million_words. My prompts were: ability to adapt and don’t like to lose.
“This is bullshit,” Zayne muttered. He flipped through a magazine he’d found on the small table that sat between himself and James.
“You can blame yourself for that,” James shot back. “It’s your fault we’re even here.”
“Please,” Andrej begged. “This is not helping. If you keep fighting, you’ll –”
“Zayne Reyes,” the receptionist asked, interrupting Andrej before he could finish his warning. She checked her clipboard. “And a James Rosewood?”
“They are here,” Andrej said, jumping in before either of his boyfriends could deny their existence. “Go,” he said. “And be on your best behavior.”
Predictably, Zayne snorted, and James rolled his eyes as they got up and followed the young woman out of the waiting room. Once they’d been led into the inner office, Andrej sat in the chair Zayne had vacated and slumped, elbows on knees, head in his hands.
“How did it get to this,” he asked no one. “Again.”
--
“Detectives,” the department psychologist said, taking a seat behind her desk. “This is a very unusual situation you’ve gotten yourselves into.”
“It’s his fault,” James muttered.
Zayne sighed and said nothing. Surprising both James and the doctor.
“Detective Reyes,” she said, turning her attention to him. “Nothing to say to defend yourself?”
“What’s the point,” he asked, shooting a nasty look in the redhead’s direction. “Every time something like this happens, he blames me, and it always sticks. So, why fight it?”
“I mean,” James said with a half-shrug, “if it’s true?”
“So, you don’t think that you have any culpability in what transpired, Detective Rosewood?”
James crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in the chair. “Nope.”
“None at all,” Zayne asked. “Of course not. Why would the golden boy have to be accountable for his actions.” He shook his head, disgusted. Zayne leaned back and rested his left foot on his right knee.
James opened his mouth to respond but the doctor held up a hand. “Why don’t you two tell me what happened. Detective Reyes, you can start.”
Zayne gave James a wary look, but the redhead remained quiet. “It started with a misunderstanding.” James grunted, but Zayne let it go. “I was talking to Zek and –”
“Jesus, Zayne,” James interrupted. “Can you not use his name? When you were just partners, I got it, but you’re living with him now. Why can’t you ever use his first name?”
He looked at the floor for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “Habit, okay? We were partners for a decade, gingerbread.”
“I guess I never thought about that,” James admitted.
Zayne shrugged, not sure what to do with James’ acquiescence. “Anyway, I was talking to Andrej,” he shot a quick glance at the redhead before continuing. “We were in the locker room because some jackass we were interviewing got pissy and threw his soda at Zek. Er, I mean, Andrej. All over his new white shirt, too.”
“Andy was in front of his locker in nothing but his suit pants,” James said, a hint of color in his cheeks. “And Zayne was leaning against the next locker, just watching.”
“We were talking about what Zek had said to piss off the suspect,” Zayne said, exasperated. They’d been over this a million times. Zeklos had even confirmed that that was what they’d been doing. And yet, the narco wouldn’t let it go. So what if his eyes had drifted a bit? He and Zek were in a relationship after all.
“But you kept touching him, Zayne!” The hint of color in James’ cheeks had deepened and spread.
“There was a bruise on his shoulder,” Zayne said, tapping a spot on his own shoulder to illustrate his point. “I was asking where it came from. He’d gotten knocked into a wall by a clumsy forensic guy a couple days before.”
“Sure, Reyes,” James said in a way that showed he wasn’t buying it.
Choosing to ignore James, he continued. “We were discussing our next moves when the narco here decided to insert himself into the conversation.”
“I can’t stop and ask my boyfriend why he’s half naked in the middle of the day?” James gave his head an annoyed shake. “I was worried something bad had happened. Something worse than a soft drink accident.”
“You would have been the first to know if something bad had happened, Rosewood,” Zayne snapped. “You might piss me the hell off sometimes, but I wouldn’t ever want you to hear that Zek had been hurt through the grapevine.” He breathed in sharply, trying to get control of his anger. “At the very least, I would have had Maxwell or Rollins call you.”
“Where is the misunderstanding,” the doctor asked, her eyes moving from Zayne to James and back.
“I saw a few scratches in the area near the bruise,” Zayne said, feeling his face flush at what he was about to say in front of this doctor. Even with as far as he’d come in accepting his bisexuality, it still sometimes embarrassed him to talk about it with strangers. “They looked red and a little irritated, so I turned him towards me and leaned in closer to see if I could tell if they were infected. He takes really good care of himself, but I still worry.”
“Because he’s your meal ticket,” James muttered.
Zayne closed his eyes and took a long, deep breath. “You know what? I’ll go to the chief and tell him that this was all my fault and that you shouldn’t be held responsible, okay?” He looked at the floor. “Nothing good will come out of this otherwise.”
“Why do you say that, Zayne,” the doctor asked.
Because Zeklos always assumed it was his fault? Because everything always wound up being his fault? He shook his head. “I’m an asshole,” he said, flatly. “I’ve got an awful reputation for being a troublemaker and it’s not completely unearned. Being partnered with Zeklos – um, Andrej – had changed that. He’s helped me become not just a better detective, but a better person.”
“He does lead by example,” James offered.
“But the fact is that Rosewood here thinks I was trying to seduce our boyfriend in the station’s locker room. He refuses to believe I had no inappropriate intentions that day. And yet, he still pushed me away from Zeklos, sending me into a nearby recruit.” He ran his fingers angrily through his hair. “I’ve been suspended before, and I have no doubt my big mouth will get me suspended again sometime. So, why not take the brunt of the blame?”
James frowned. “Why would you though? It’s not like I’m anything to you other than an obstacle to what you really want.”
“What do you think he really wants, James?”
He gave the therapist a disbelieving look. “He wants Andy, of course.”
“The hell, narco?” Zayne stood up and paced the small office. “What does that even mean? I have him eighteen hours a day usually.”
“You want him to yourself,” James clarified. “And you were making a point that day in the locker room, too.”
“How so?”
He didn’t even glance at the doctor this time, he was fully focused on Zayne. “You knew that if I got that close to him, someone would have said something, whining about how ‘the gays’ couldn’t control themselves around each other or some other stupid, homophobic bullshit. But you,” he huffed out an angry breath and pointed at Zayne. “You can get away with it because while you’re sleeping with him, most of the station doesn’t know that. They just know that you’re his partner and that you fail to respect anyone’s boundaries.”
Zayne threw his hands up. “I’m done. I’ll take the blame and I’ll even start looking for a new place to live.” He stopped his pacing and locked eyes with the redhead. “You win. Happy?”
“Hell no, I’m not happy,” James shot back. “You hate to lose, Reyes. I can’t even imagine what kind of crap you’re going to pull to get back at me for this later.”
He held his hands out in front of him, palms up. “This is all I have to give, Jay. I’m done.”
James blinked at Zayne’s use of his nickname. Zayne hadn’t even realized he’d said it himself until he saw the ginger’s face.
“I’m sorry,” he said to the doctor. “I’m not sure what you will tell my captain and I hope I haven’t made your job harder, but I have to go.”
With that, he turned on his heel and walked out of the doctor’s office.
--
“Zayne,” Andrej said as he walked past. “Is your session over already? It has not been an hour yet.”
“My session is over,” Zayne said, not slowing. “Rosewood might be in there for a bit longer.”
“Wait,” Andrej called, but he didn’t slow down.
Out in the parking lot, he remembered that he’d ridden over with Zeklos and cursed. Taking his phone out of his pocket, he ordered a rideshare and started walking towards the corner where there was a convenience store. He could wait there in peace and not worry about being confronted by either of his soon-to-be ex-boyfriends.
--
“He’s going to get us both suspended, or worse,” James growled after the door had shut behind Zayne.
“Why do you feel like you aren’t anything to him,” the doctor asked.
“What?” James whipped his head around and goggled at her, confused by the question.
She glanced at her notes before responding. “You said, ‘it’s not like I’m anything to you’, before suggesting you were an obstacle to his goals. I’m going to ignore the second part of that and focus on the first.” She folded her hands in her lap and leaned forward a bit. “Why would he put so much effort into convincing you that what you witnessed was a misunderstanding if you were nothing more than one more hurdle he had to overcome? Does that make any sense to you?”
James pursed his lips. “You don’t know how he operates. It’s the kind of mind game he’d play to make me wonder what his real goal was.”
“And you think that your boyfriend, Andrej, would help him with that?”
“No,” he said, disgusted. “Andy wouldn’t ever play along with Zayne like that.”
“So, why can’t Zayne be telling the truth now?”
He didn’t like that question at all. It made him think that maybe, possibly, he’d overreacted. But he knew in his gut that he hadn’t. Zayne had this uncanny ability to adapt his assholery to any occasion, especially if it meant getting one over on the competition.
“Detective?”
James picked at a loose thread on his shirt. “I don’t know.”
“Would you care to speculate a bit?” She leaned back in her chair, crossed one leg over the other, and waited.
“Not particularly,” he muttered.
The tiniest bit of a smile appeared on the doctor’s face. “How about you try for me.” She paused. “And for your very complicated relationship.”
James heaved a sigh and scratched his chin, stalling for time. He had an inkling about why he was so hellbent on proving that Zayne was lying, but he wasn’t sure he could admit to it. Confessing his own insecurities was never easy for him.
“James?”
“Look,” he said, holding his hands out in front of him. “I don’t deal well with emotions, okay?” He huffed out a little laugh. “Neither does the cowboy, if I’m being honest, but he’s a sight better than I am.”
“What makes him better at it than you,” she asked.
“He had parents who cared?” He said it as a question, but it wasn’t. He knew it was the truth. “He’s a damn hothead, but he also embraces all of his turbulent emotions.”
“And you,” she prompted.
“Me?” He choked out a self-deprecating laugh. “Me, on the other hand, I was the oldest of seven and was put to work caring for the younger ones as soon as my parents thought me capable.”
“Which,” the doctor said, “in cases like this, is often way earlier than it should be.”
“You’ve got that right,” he grunted. “But I learned really quickly that my feelings were secondary to whatever sibling I was caring for at the time. So, I pushed it all down or away.”
“Except anger,” she pointed out.
“Yeah, except anger. It was the only thing that got anyone’s attention.” The only thing that got him noticed by the ones he loved. Oh.
A real smile blossomed on the doctor’s face then. “I’m guessing by the look on your face right now, you’ve had an epiphany.”
“Yeah, I think I might have,” he conceded. “Can I go now?”
She looked at her watch and nodded. “Tell your partner that I will not clear him to go back to work until he comes to see me, okay?”
“You’ve got it,” James said, exiting the office and heading for the lobby.
--
“Oh, there you are,” Andrej said as James stopped short in front of him.
“Where’s Reyes,” James asked, the bottom falling out of his stomach.
“He left,” Andrej sighed.
“But – but didn’t he ride here with you?”
Andrej frowned. “He did. I suspect he used the app on his phone to call a ride because he has not returned.”
“Ah, shit,” James said.
“My thoughts precisely.”
--
Zayne thanked the rideshare driver and got out of the car. He stared at the house for a long moment, trying to figure out if he should go inside and wait, or get in his truck and leave. Cutting his losses was usually his game plan – cut and run as his brother liked to say – but he wasn’t sure it was what he wanted this time. He’d worked so damn hard to build a good life here. It hadn’t always been easy, but he’d managed.
“Fuck it,” he muttered. Using the app on his phone, he opened the garage door and went into the house.
He was in the process of folding the last couple of t-shirts in his laundry basket when he heard the garage door open. Pushing aside the open suitcase, he set the shirt down and went to confront his fears.
“See, Jay, he is here,” Andrej said, pointing a finger in his direction. “He made it home safely.”
“Would have put money on him being in a bar,” James replied.
He opened his mouth to shoot a snotty comment back at the redhead when the tone of James’ words processed. There was a distinct lack of disdain or accusation to them, and it stopped him cold. “Why were you betting I’d be in a bar, gingerbread?”
James looked his way, locking his eyes onto Zayne. “Because I was an asshole. Because I’ve been an asshole, Zayne. I need a drink after that session. Wouldn’t surprise me if you did, too.”
“Huh,” Zayne said, stymied. “Interesting. Anyway, I’m going to go finish packing and I’ll be out of your hair.”
He turned and moved towards the hall when a strong hand gripped his arm. Expecting it to be James, he was surprised to see it was his partner holding onto him with such force. “Zek, it’s okay, let me go.”
Andrej shook his head, fear in his eyes.
“I’m not going anywhere, it’s okay.”
“You just said you were packing,” James reminded him.
“Yeah, I did.” Zayne pried Andrej’s fingers off his forearm one at a time. It was not as easy as it looked, either. He wondered if yoga gave you grip strength because damn the boy had a hold on him.
“If you aren’t going anywhere,” James said, enunciating each word slowly and carefully, “then why are you packing?”
“I had a thought while I was folding my clothes,” he said. “I think that maybe it’s time I moved out and got my own place again.”
“Why?”
Zayne turned his attention towards Andrej. “Because as long as I’m here, with you, he’s never going to be able to get past his jealousy.” He met James’ gaze over his shoulder. “And I get that. I’d probably be having similar issues if our situation were reversed.”
“The difference is,” James said quietly, “that you’d admit to what you were feeling. We’d make fun of you, you’d get mad, but it’d be out in the open for us to deal with.”
“What are you saying, Jay,” Andrej asked, his eyes moving from the redhead to the Texan. “I am very confused.”
“You and me both,” James said with a laugh. “I had a revelation in the doctor’s office after you left.”
“What do you mean,” Zayne asked, stepping closer to James.
“I mean, that it finally hit me that I’m shit at relationships.” He held up a hand to stop the protests of both men. “I was telling her about how I was parentified as a child and how it forced me to swallow all my feelings because no one had time for my emotions, you know?”
“I wish I could relate,” Zayne said, feeling the words out as he went. “But I was labeled the troubled, angry one early on and I embraced every feeling I had. No one thought I’d amount to anything, so they let me be messy.”
James laughed out loud. “That explains so much, cowboy.”
“I understand somewhat,” Andrej said. “I am the oldest as well and had a lot of responsibility when it came to my siblings. However, my mother and grandmother were both there to intervene. It was never only my job. Not until after my mom died anyway.” He visibly shook off the memory. “It is not fair to make your child raise your other children.”
“It’s common in these fundie and fundie-adjacent religions though, Zek,” Zayne said.
“How the hell do you know that,” James asked, surprised.
“Zek subscribed to Discovery+ and I went down a documentary rabbit hole one night when I couldn’t sleep,” he confessed. “The Duggers, the Browns, the IBLP and Hillsong? It’s some fucked up shit, gingerbread.”
They both stared at him; Zayne shrugged.
“You were saying,” Zayne prompted.
“What I realized was that the only time anyone really paid much attention to me was when I’d get fed up and pitch a fit.”
“You weren’t keeping sweet, baby,” Zayne teased.
“Far from it,” he agreed. “And while that keep sweet bullshit was mostly pushed on the girls, my outbursts were an embarrassment to my parents, so they reacted quickly and swiftly.”
“It was the only way,” Zayne said, nodding.
“And apparently anytime I want someone’s attention, I pick a fight.” James looked away.
“You are not like that with me,” Andrej said. He looked to Zayne for confirmation.
“Probably because you often make the first move,” Zayne said. “Asking him over for dinner, to say after dinner’s over, washing his clothes like you do mine. That kind of thing goes a long way when someone feels like no one wants them.”
James had another flash of insight. “I think I finally get it.”
“Get what,” Andrej asked.
“Why he’s so protective of you,” James said. “Why he gets so damn defensive whenever he’s challenged.” James rubbed his temples. “Why he said he gave up and stormed out of the therapy session earlier.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Zayne dropped heavily into his armchair.
“You have good parents,” James said. It was true, he’d met them even. They loved Zayne even when he was at his worst. “But your asshole brother really tips the scale. He needs so much attention that I’m sure they feel like if they don’t give it to him right away, he’ll cause a commotion.”
“That’s Robby for you,” Zayne confirmed.
“I am so very confused,” Andrej said, taking his favorite spot on the sofa.
“You take care of him, so he protects you. It’s all he knows. And he was protecting you in his own weird way that day I found you in the locker room. I should have seen it.”
Zayne grinned. “So, you picked a fight with me because you wanted me to kiss your boo boos, narco?”
“What?” James’ face flushed with embarrassment. “No, that’s not what I was getting at!”
Andrej snorted softly, then began laughing in earnest.
“Why’s Zek laughing?”
“No clue, cowboy.”
“It is all so clear now,” Andrej said between giggles. “He loves you, Zayne,” he spluttered. “It is why he always starts fights with you. And I – I think,” he couldn’t breathe through all the laughter for a moment. “I think it is why you like sparring with him so much. I am confident that arguing is the only way you have ever communicated with your brother. It is – what do they call it? Your love language?”
Andrej wrapped his arms around his middle and bent over, the laughter rolling out of him in an unstoppable wave.
“Not sure why this is so funny,” Zayne grumbled. His lips twitched against his will, a chuckle surfacing from somewhere. “But his laugh is contagious.”
“He does have a great laugh,” James agreed. He sat next to Andrej on the sofa, resting a hand on his back.
Andrej pulled himself together and wiped the tears from his cheeks. “I am sorry. It was simply too funny when I realized that you fight to show affection or to get affection.” He dabbed at his right eye. “Maybe the two of you should consider couples counseling?”
“I think I might actually stick with one-on-one counseling for the moment,” James said, shocking everyone, including himself. “I had no idea how much I was carrying around. It might be good for me.” He smiled at Zayne. “Might help you, too.”
“Maybe,” Zayne said, with a curt nod.
“Speaking of which, Doctor Weston said that you can’t go back to work until you sit through a session with her. I think she just wants to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’ll call first thing in the morning and make an appointment.” He looked at his partner. “Don’t let me forget, okay?”
“I will remind you before I leave,” Andrej agreed. His phone rang and he studied the caller ID. “I will be right back. Excuse me.”
Andrej left the room and Zayne moved onto the empty cushion beside James. “Are you okay? That kind of shit can be tough to deal with.”
James nodded. “It’s a lot to unpack, but I kind of knew it was there all along, you know? It’s why I am thinking of making another appointment with the therapist.” He watched Zayne closely, waiting for the joke, he supposed.
“Do what you need to do,” Zayne said instead. “We good?”
“We are,” James said. “On one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“That you go unpack your suitcase.”
Zayne grinned. “I hadn’t actually started. I was still folding all my damn clothes when you two arrived.”
“You’re awful,” James said.
“But you love me?” There was a hint of a question there.
“For better or for worse, Reyes.”
“Good,” he said, rising from the couch. “Now that I’ve folded all that shit, I probably ought to put it away, too.”
“Might be helpful,” James joked. He held out his hand. “Give me a hand and I’ll come help you.”
Zayne gripped James’ hand and hauled him to his feet. “I can put them away myself, but the company would be nice.”
“I think I can manage to be decent company. For a few minutes anyway.”
--
Andrej slipped his phone back into his pocket and went in search of his boyfriends. Zayne stood at the foot of the bed, a pair of socks in one hand, the other outstretched in a familiar gesture. James sat on one side of the bed, one foot resting on his knee, the other hanging off the edge of the bed. He was watching Zayne closely and they seemed to be getting along. Stepping back before either could see him, Andrej slipped back out into the living room. He’d figure out what to make for dinner and let his boys just be for a bit.
This is what progress looked like, he thought. Well, right up until they decided that they’d had enough self-growth and reverted to their old ways. But whatever happened, they had gained a bit of insight into the hows and whys of their actions. All he could do was pray that it helped them be kinder to each other in the future.
A burst of laughter from down the hall interrupted his thoughts. Andrej smiled and grabbed the cookbook he’d left out earlier and started searching for dinner.
