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asphaltcowgrrlTitle: Waking Up in Vegas
Fandom: Romani Detective Original Fiction
Pairing: Andrej Zeklos/James Rosewood/Zayne Reyes
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,789
Summary: James and Zayne wake up together in a hotel room with no memory of the night before.
Author’s Note: Written for comment_fic because I couldn’t resist the prompt: Any, Any+/Any, (any situation that ends with) someone (preferably the serious/stiff/moody type) driving a hot pink stretch Hummer limousine. Also, my comment fics have gotten out of control the last couple days. Sorry about that. This also works with the Musical May challenge at 1_million_words for today’s ‘road trip’ prompt or the ‘female musician’ prompt the other day.
“What the hell,” Zayne said, rubbing his eyes and stretching. One arm bumped against something warm and solid and he smiled. “Zek baby, you awake.”
“I am now,” James grumbled. “And I’m not Andy.”
“Eh, it’s okay, you’ll do,” Zayne said, snuggling into the redhead’s body. He rested a hand on James’ chest and allowed his eyes to flutter closed. “You’re my second favorite boyfriend anyway.”
“How much did we have to drink last night, cowboy,” James asked, tugging the Texan closer to him. “My head is pounding, and I swear to god you smell like tequila.”
“Better that than Zeklos’ Romanian moonshine.”
“This is true,” he muttered, kissing the curve of Zayne’s shoulder. “I – wait,” he said, something catching his eye. “Zayne, what’s on your hand?”
“What do you mean,” he asked, eyes still firmly shut.
“You’re wearing a ring on your hand,” James said. “Shit, on your left hand, cowboy.”
“What?” Zayne pushed back from Zayne and looked at his hands. “Mother of god, is that a wedding band?” He waved his fingers in James’ face, panic etched into his fingers.
“No,” James said. “It can’t be. Who the hell would marry you anyway?”
“You,” Zayne said, shoving James backwards. “You did. Look at your own fucking hands!”
“Oh hell no,” James said, rolling out of bed and hitting the floor hard, with both feet. “What the hell happened to us last night?”
“A better question would be, why on earth didn’t Zeklos stop us?”
“Speaking of,” James said, looking around the unfamiliar motel room. “Where on earth is Andy anyway?”
“I’ll call him,” Zayne said.
A loud, obnoxious honk cut Zayne off.
“What the actual fuck,” James spluttered. He pushed the curtain aside, the bright Vegas sunlight blinding him for a long, tense moment. “Oh god. Reyes, you have to come see this. I found Andy.”
“He’d better be screwing with us,” Zayne muttered. “Punishment for getting drunk on him or something.” Zayne stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his partner, both in work and life, through the window. “The whole world has gone insane.”
Another loud honk cut through the silence. James tugged on Zayne’s arm and headed for the motel door. Flinging it open, he was greeted by the sight of his boyfriend standing behind the open door of a hot pink Hummer limo. A stretch Hummer limo at that.
Andrej’s hair was a mess, the uncontrollable waves that were so cute first thing in the morning were in rare form, sticking out every which way. He’d lost his suit jacket and tie somewhere, his pale grey button up was no longer fully buttoned. The first two or three had come undone, exposing a swath of caramel skin. On his face sat a pair of dark tinted sunglasses, something neither Zayne nor James had ever seen him wear.
“Andy?”
“Get in the car,” he said.
“What – where is your car,” Zayne asked.
“I have no idea,” Andrej said, looking around the empty lot. “I cannot find it. However, this was parked on the street and the keys were in my pocket.” He looked into the stretch limo and grabbed his phone. “Trish has found my car, please get dressed so we can leave.”
“Andy,” James said, approaching the god-awful vehicle. “We have a problem.”
He pulled the glasses off his face and exposed his bloodshot blue eyes to the merciless desert sun. “What can be more important than retrieving my car?”
James looked over his shoulder at the half naked cowboy standing in the doorway. “Um, Zayne and I somehow managed to get married last night.”
“And I think your boyfriend knocked me up, Zeklos.”
Swearing in every language he spoke, Andrej shoved the glasses roughly back onto his face. “Get dressed, then get in. We have to get to the courthouse as soon as they open and get this fixed.” He looked at his two boyfriends before continuing. “Unless you want to remain married?”
“Hell no,” James said. “I like him just fine, but I’d rather marry my straight partner before this whack job.”
“Fuck you, Rosewood,” Zayne shot back. “And don’t think you’re getting out of paying child support either.” He patted his flat stomach protectively.
“That’s not a baby,” James shouted. “It’s alcohol bloat! Drink some water for the love of God.”
“I will wait in the car,” Andrej muttered, not wanting to deal with their bickering and his apparent hangover.
“It’s never safe in the car,” Zayne called out before ducking into the motel room to dress and grab his things.
“You’re an idiot,” James laughed.
Ten minutes later, James and Zayne emerged from the hotel room, dressed and looking a little worse for wear.
“If you don’t like me,” Zayne was saying, “why’d you put a ring on it?” He waggled his ring finger in James’ face again.
“What makes you think I asked you,” James shot back. He pulled open the passenger door on the driver’s side and climbed in. “Maybe you asked me?”
“I do not believe Zayne would propose to anyone, Jay,” Andrej said, pulling the ugly piece of metal out onto the road. “I also do not believe I will be able to park this anywhere down near the courthouse,” he added. “It is a monster of a vehicle.”
“You’ll have to claim two meters,” Zayne groaned.
“What happened to you two,” Andrej asked. “I lost you both at Trish’s party around ten o’clock. After that, I lost myself.”
“We’re not sure,” James said. “All we can remember is waking up in bed together this morning, wearing matching rings.”
“Did you find a marriage certificate?”
James groaned.
“I am guessing that is a yes?”
“Yes,” Zayne cackled. “And he chose to take my name.”
“We also found pictures,” James mumbled.
“Pictures? Of the ceremony?”
“Yeah,” Zayne said. “Elvis officiated it seems.”
Andrej pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh. “Is there video?” Because he knew Trish, Hilary, and Jake would pay money to see that.
“I don’t even want to know,” James spluttered. “Can we please get divorced now?”
“There’s something else,” Zayne said, giving the redhead a nervous look.
“God, what else could there be, Reyes?”
“Um, I found a tattoo on my shoulder when I was getting dressed.”
“Holy shit, god no, help me,” James rambled.
“What does it say, Zayne?”
He glanced up and met Andrej’s glasses in the rear-view mirror. “It says Jazzy, whatever in the hell that means.”
Now, Andrej really had to stifle a laugh. “I have no idea,” he lied. Trish had started using the term to refer to the three of them, explaining it was an acronym formed from the first letter of each of their names – James, Andrej, Zayne.
“Ah fuck,” James cried. “I have one, too.”
Tears rolled down Andrej’s cheeks from the effort to keep the laughter at bay. “I am so sorry,” he said, his amusement at the ridiculousness of the situation barely under control. “We are at the courthouse,” Andrej announced a few minutes later. “Go inside and get in line and I will find somewhere to put this… this… ugly vehicle.”
“Ugly though it might be,” James said, grinning for the first time all morning. “You look awfully badass driving this thing.”
“Go, get divorced,” Andrej said.
“But what about the baby,” Zayne cried out, clasping both hands to his heart.
Andrej looked at James. “If he is pregnant, you are both moving out. I cannot deal with another child in my home.” His two boyfriends were enough work.
“Yes, dad,” James said, blowing Andrej a kiss. He met Zayne on the stairs. Taking him by the arm, James dragged his husband into the courthouse.
“This is what I get for leaving Romania,” he muttered, pulling away from the curb and driving to a parking area owned by the City a few blocks down the road.
Andrej had just entered the marriage licensing bureau when he heard Zayne’s voice, full of disbelief. “What do you mean, we can’t get this annulled?”
“I’m sorry, gentlemen,” the sweet, middle aged woman at the counter said. “Regret isn’t grounds for annulment in Nevada, sorry.”
“So, what – what do we do,” James stuttered.
She shrugged. “He’s a good-looking guy, I say make it work.”
“Not happening, lady,” James grumbled.
“Jay,” Andrej said, tapping the redhead on the arm. “Calm down. Zayne, you too. We will figure this out.”
“They can still file for divorce,” the licensing official said. “It’ll just cost more.”
He dragged them both out of the courthouse and into the Starbucks a couple storefronts down. While they sat, Andrej retrieved the strongest coffee he could manage.
“She is right,” he said, returning with the caffeine. “You will simply have to file for divorce and it will be done. It is not a big deal.” Although it was, they never should have managed to get married in the first place. How damn drunk were they? And why didn’t someone in authority stop them? “What is the last thing you remember from last night?”
“Spongebob brought me a drink,” Zayne said.
“Really? Captain America brought me mine,” James said.
“But was he wearing a Speedo like Spongebob was?” Zayne wiggled his eyebrows at the redhead.
“Thankfully, no,” James said.
“I think you two were drugged,” Andrej said, sending off a text the county medical examiner. “I am asking Carla if she will run a tox screen on you two.”
“And what about you,” James asked. “You look as bad as we feel.”
Andrej made a sheepish face. “When I lost you both last night, I went out with Hilary and Trish after the party broke up. I am certain I had entirely too much to drink. How I misplaced my car, I am not sure.”
“At least he was a willing participant in his own demise,” James joked.
“Yeah, but now we have to make sure neither Hilary or Trish turn up pregnant, because that’d be a scandal and a half.”
James snickered. “I’d love it if he knocked up Rollins. Can you imagine the horror?”
“The gay guy getting the lesbian pregnant in a very non-scientific manner? I’d die.”
“As would I,” Andrej muttered. He looked down at his phone. “Carla would like you both to come to the coroner’s office ASAP.”
“Let’s get this over with,” James said, standing.
“Yeah, you and I cannot stay married.”
“Aw, you don’t want to play house, Reyes?”
“You know,” Zayne said, rising from his chair and getting within an inch of James’ face. “There is an answer I’d love to give you but there are children around so it’s going to have to wait.”
“If you two hurry, maybe we can get your annulment after all.”
“What?” James and Zayne both turned to face Andrej.
“If there were drugs in your system, we can prove you were not fit to make this kind of decision and your marriage will be annulled. But we must move quickly.”
“Because a lot of these newer drugs metabolize quickly and if we wait too long they won’t show up on the tox screen,” James finished for him.
“For a narco, you can be slow to catch onto these things,” Zayne teased. James flipped him off. “No sex until you tell me where we’re going on the honeymoon.”
“Too bad you can’t drink if you’re knocked up, cowboy,” James joked back.
Andrej drove the giant, Pepto-colored Hummer limo back to the station, all the while thanking every god to have ever been named that Zayne was not a woman. And then he thanked them all again for making sure that a man could not get pregnant.
Four hours later, they were back at the courthouse filing for an annulment. As it turned out, they had been drugged, but whether it was Spongebob’s fault or Captain America’s, or… any of the other bizarre characters they’d encountered on Fremont Street the night before, they might not ever know.
“Oooh, so now we need to celebrate,” Zayne said, leaning against the front seat, alternating his attention between Andrej on the driver’s seat and James on the passenger side.
“What do you have in mind,” James asked, fatigue starting to set in.
“Food, drinks, and sex,” Zayne suggested. “Maybe not in that order.”
“Alcohol is what got you into this situation,” Andrej reminded him. “A single, divorced, mother-to-be.”
James snorted.
“I would not be so amused if I were you,” Andrej continued. “You are the one who got him drunk, married him, and knocked him up.”
“Says the guy who woke up with two women,” Zayne pointed out.
“And is driving a hot pink limo that could likely tear through the Mojave without a second thought.”
“I am going to leave you two on the nearest street corner,” Andrej threatened.
“Can you please wait until we’re out of downtown,” Zayne begged. “We’d at least have a fighting chance on the Strip.”
“Does Spongebob have unfinished business with you, Zayne?”
“No idea,” Zayne said. “But let’s not chance it.”
“Oh, Zayne? James,” Andrej said, pulling the hulking beats of a Hummer off Las Vegas Boulevard and onto I-15. “Trish found the video of your wedding online. I believe she and Hilary are planning a shower-slash-congratulations party.”
“Can she add baby shower to that list,” he asked, grinning at the redhead.
“You are not pregnant, Reyes,” James practically shouted.
“I guess we’ll see, won’t we,” Zayne said, patting his belly. “But you better pamper me until we know for sure or I’m taking you for all you’re worth.”
“Little does he know I’m not worth a dime,” James laughed.
Andrej shook his head and waved at the people gaping as they drove past. “I wish I knew who this belonged to officially,” he said. “I’m becoming very fond of this abhorrent thing.”
“No,” James and Zayne shouted. “We are not keeping it!”
“The minute we get home,” Zayne said. “I’m calling the plates in to Hil and finding out who owns it so I never have to look at it again.”
“That’s a shame,” James said, looking back at Zayne sprawled across the seat. “Looks like there’s more than enough room for all three of us back there.”
Andrej almost slammed on the brakes at James’ words.
“Just what you don’t need, narco,” Zayne grinned. “Is both of us pregnant. You’ll have to moonlight as a security guard to support Zek and I and our babies.”
“I am going to pull over now,” Andrej said. “And shove you both out and drive until I reach water. Then, I am going to drive into the water.”
Zayne laughed and James grinned at him. “Guess we should have stayed married,” Zayne said. “I mean, if Zek’s going to drown himself, who will take care of me and little Cayenne?”
“You’re naming the baby Cayenne,” James asked, stunned.
“I’m hoping she’ll be a little redhead with green eyes,” Zayne said.
“In that case,” James said, rolling his eyes. “I’ll take care of you and we can live in Andy’s house.”
“You are welcome to it,” Andrej said, pulling into Metro’s impound lot. His car was waiting outside, just as Trish had promised. All he had to do was turn over the keys to the limo, retrieve his own, and he’d be on his way.
“God, can we go home,” James groaned. “I’m exhausted.”
“Same,” Zayne said. “Zek?”
“I have to get my keys,” he said. “And we can be on our way.”
He left them standing, not wanting either to see his face when he called Hilary to let her know they’d be on their way soon. She’d promised to have the video playing on his big screen television when they arrived and he was oddly eager to see it.
“I’m never going to know what actually happened,” he said into his phone.
“Not a chance,” she agreed. “But think how much you’ll be able to use this against them over the next ten years, Andy. One of them pisses you off? Remind them they got married.”
“And have matching tattoos,” Trish added. He was obviously on speaker phone.
The idea made him grin. He wasn’t generally one for revenge or holding grudges, but he’d warned these idiots about the dangers of getting too damn drunk in Las Vegas. But nope, they insisted on trying to see who could drink the most.
“We will be home in about half an hour.”
“Perfect,” Trish said. “Video is queued up and the champagne is chilling. It’s going to be a party to remember.”
Andrej groaned. Those were the last words he remembered hearing last night. Shit. But hey, maybe he’d be the one getting married this time around.
Fandom: Romani Detective Original Fiction
Pairing: Andrej Zeklos/James Rosewood/Zayne Reyes
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,789
Summary: James and Zayne wake up together in a hotel room with no memory of the night before.
Author’s Note: Written for comment_fic because I couldn’t resist the prompt: Any, Any+/Any, (any situation that ends with) someone (preferably the serious/stiff/moody type) driving a hot pink stretch Hummer limousine. Also, my comment fics have gotten out of control the last couple days. Sorry about that. This also works with the Musical May challenge at 1_million_words for today’s ‘road trip’ prompt or the ‘female musician’ prompt the other day.
“What the hell,” Zayne said, rubbing his eyes and stretching. One arm bumped against something warm and solid and he smiled. “Zek baby, you awake.”
“I am now,” James grumbled. “And I’m not Andy.”
“Eh, it’s okay, you’ll do,” Zayne said, snuggling into the redhead’s body. He rested a hand on James’ chest and allowed his eyes to flutter closed. “You’re my second favorite boyfriend anyway.”
“How much did we have to drink last night, cowboy,” James asked, tugging the Texan closer to him. “My head is pounding, and I swear to god you smell like tequila.”
“Better that than Zeklos’ Romanian moonshine.”
“This is true,” he muttered, kissing the curve of Zayne’s shoulder. “I – wait,” he said, something catching his eye. “Zayne, what’s on your hand?”
“What do you mean,” he asked, eyes still firmly shut.
“You’re wearing a ring on your hand,” James said. “Shit, on your left hand, cowboy.”
“What?” Zayne pushed back from Zayne and looked at his hands. “Mother of god, is that a wedding band?” He waved his fingers in James’ face, panic etched into his fingers.
“No,” James said. “It can’t be. Who the hell would marry you anyway?”
“You,” Zayne said, shoving James backwards. “You did. Look at your own fucking hands!”
“Oh hell no,” James said, rolling out of bed and hitting the floor hard, with both feet. “What the hell happened to us last night?”
“A better question would be, why on earth didn’t Zeklos stop us?”
“Speaking of,” James said, looking around the unfamiliar motel room. “Where on earth is Andy anyway?”
“I’ll call him,” Zayne said.
A loud, obnoxious honk cut Zayne off.
“What the actual fuck,” James spluttered. He pushed the curtain aside, the bright Vegas sunlight blinding him for a long, tense moment. “Oh god. Reyes, you have to come see this. I found Andy.”
“He’d better be screwing with us,” Zayne muttered. “Punishment for getting drunk on him or something.” Zayne stopped dead in his tracks when he saw his partner, both in work and life, through the window. “The whole world has gone insane.”
Another loud honk cut through the silence. James tugged on Zayne’s arm and headed for the motel door. Flinging it open, he was greeted by the sight of his boyfriend standing behind the open door of a hot pink Hummer limo. A stretch Hummer limo at that.
Andrej’s hair was a mess, the uncontrollable waves that were so cute first thing in the morning were in rare form, sticking out every which way. He’d lost his suit jacket and tie somewhere, his pale grey button up was no longer fully buttoned. The first two or three had come undone, exposing a swath of caramel skin. On his face sat a pair of dark tinted sunglasses, something neither Zayne nor James had ever seen him wear.
“Andy?”
“Get in the car,” he said.
“What – where is your car,” Zayne asked.
“I have no idea,” Andrej said, looking around the empty lot. “I cannot find it. However, this was parked on the street and the keys were in my pocket.” He looked into the stretch limo and grabbed his phone. “Trish has found my car, please get dressed so we can leave.”
“Andy,” James said, approaching the god-awful vehicle. “We have a problem.”
He pulled the glasses off his face and exposed his bloodshot blue eyes to the merciless desert sun. “What can be more important than retrieving my car?”
James looked over his shoulder at the half naked cowboy standing in the doorway. “Um, Zayne and I somehow managed to get married last night.”
“And I think your boyfriend knocked me up, Zeklos.”
Swearing in every language he spoke, Andrej shoved the glasses roughly back onto his face. “Get dressed, then get in. We have to get to the courthouse as soon as they open and get this fixed.” He looked at his two boyfriends before continuing. “Unless you want to remain married?”
“Hell no,” James said. “I like him just fine, but I’d rather marry my straight partner before this whack job.”
“Fuck you, Rosewood,” Zayne shot back. “And don’t think you’re getting out of paying child support either.” He patted his flat stomach protectively.
“That’s not a baby,” James shouted. “It’s alcohol bloat! Drink some water for the love of God.”
“I will wait in the car,” Andrej muttered, not wanting to deal with their bickering and his apparent hangover.
“It’s never safe in the car,” Zayne called out before ducking into the motel room to dress and grab his things.
“You’re an idiot,” James laughed.
Ten minutes later, James and Zayne emerged from the hotel room, dressed and looking a little worse for wear.
“If you don’t like me,” Zayne was saying, “why’d you put a ring on it?” He waggled his ring finger in James’ face again.
“What makes you think I asked you,” James shot back. He pulled open the passenger door on the driver’s side and climbed in. “Maybe you asked me?”
“I do not believe Zayne would propose to anyone, Jay,” Andrej said, pulling the ugly piece of metal out onto the road. “I also do not believe I will be able to park this anywhere down near the courthouse,” he added. “It is a monster of a vehicle.”
“You’ll have to claim two meters,” Zayne groaned.
“What happened to you two,” Andrej asked. “I lost you both at Trish’s party around ten o’clock. After that, I lost myself.”
“We’re not sure,” James said. “All we can remember is waking up in bed together this morning, wearing matching rings.”
“Did you find a marriage certificate?”
James groaned.
“I am guessing that is a yes?”
“Yes,” Zayne cackled. “And he chose to take my name.”
“We also found pictures,” James mumbled.
“Pictures? Of the ceremony?”
“Yeah,” Zayne said. “Elvis officiated it seems.”
Andrej pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh. “Is there video?” Because he knew Trish, Hilary, and Jake would pay money to see that.
“I don’t even want to know,” James spluttered. “Can we please get divorced now?”
“There’s something else,” Zayne said, giving the redhead a nervous look.
“God, what else could there be, Reyes?”
“Um, I found a tattoo on my shoulder when I was getting dressed.”
“Holy shit, god no, help me,” James rambled.
“What does it say, Zayne?”
He glanced up and met Andrej’s glasses in the rear-view mirror. “It says Jazzy, whatever in the hell that means.”
Now, Andrej really had to stifle a laugh. “I have no idea,” he lied. Trish had started using the term to refer to the three of them, explaining it was an acronym formed from the first letter of each of their names – James, Andrej, Zayne.
“Ah fuck,” James cried. “I have one, too.”
Tears rolled down Andrej’s cheeks from the effort to keep the laughter at bay. “I am so sorry,” he said, his amusement at the ridiculousness of the situation barely under control. “We are at the courthouse,” Andrej announced a few minutes later. “Go inside and get in line and I will find somewhere to put this… this… ugly vehicle.”
“Ugly though it might be,” James said, grinning for the first time all morning. “You look awfully badass driving this thing.”
“Go, get divorced,” Andrej said.
“But what about the baby,” Zayne cried out, clasping both hands to his heart.
Andrej looked at James. “If he is pregnant, you are both moving out. I cannot deal with another child in my home.” His two boyfriends were enough work.
“Yes, dad,” James said, blowing Andrej a kiss. He met Zayne on the stairs. Taking him by the arm, James dragged his husband into the courthouse.
“This is what I get for leaving Romania,” he muttered, pulling away from the curb and driving to a parking area owned by the City a few blocks down the road.
Andrej had just entered the marriage licensing bureau when he heard Zayne’s voice, full of disbelief. “What do you mean, we can’t get this annulled?”
“I’m sorry, gentlemen,” the sweet, middle aged woman at the counter said. “Regret isn’t grounds for annulment in Nevada, sorry.”
“So, what – what do we do,” James stuttered.
She shrugged. “He’s a good-looking guy, I say make it work.”
“Not happening, lady,” James grumbled.
“Jay,” Andrej said, tapping the redhead on the arm. “Calm down. Zayne, you too. We will figure this out.”
“They can still file for divorce,” the licensing official said. “It’ll just cost more.”
He dragged them both out of the courthouse and into the Starbucks a couple storefronts down. While they sat, Andrej retrieved the strongest coffee he could manage.
“She is right,” he said, returning with the caffeine. “You will simply have to file for divorce and it will be done. It is not a big deal.” Although it was, they never should have managed to get married in the first place. How damn drunk were they? And why didn’t someone in authority stop them? “What is the last thing you remember from last night?”
“Spongebob brought me a drink,” Zayne said.
“Really? Captain America brought me mine,” James said.
“But was he wearing a Speedo like Spongebob was?” Zayne wiggled his eyebrows at the redhead.
“Thankfully, no,” James said.
“I think you two were drugged,” Andrej said, sending off a text the county medical examiner. “I am asking Carla if she will run a tox screen on you two.”
“And what about you,” James asked. “You look as bad as we feel.”
Andrej made a sheepish face. “When I lost you both last night, I went out with Hilary and Trish after the party broke up. I am certain I had entirely too much to drink. How I misplaced my car, I am not sure.”
“At least he was a willing participant in his own demise,” James joked.
“Yeah, but now we have to make sure neither Hilary or Trish turn up pregnant, because that’d be a scandal and a half.”
James snickered. “I’d love it if he knocked up Rollins. Can you imagine the horror?”
“The gay guy getting the lesbian pregnant in a very non-scientific manner? I’d die.”
“As would I,” Andrej muttered. He looked down at his phone. “Carla would like you both to come to the coroner’s office ASAP.”
“Let’s get this over with,” James said, standing.
“Yeah, you and I cannot stay married.”
“Aw, you don’t want to play house, Reyes?”
“You know,” Zayne said, rising from his chair and getting within an inch of James’ face. “There is an answer I’d love to give you but there are children around so it’s going to have to wait.”
“If you two hurry, maybe we can get your annulment after all.”
“What?” James and Zayne both turned to face Andrej.
“If there were drugs in your system, we can prove you were not fit to make this kind of decision and your marriage will be annulled. But we must move quickly.”
“Because a lot of these newer drugs metabolize quickly and if we wait too long they won’t show up on the tox screen,” James finished for him.
“For a narco, you can be slow to catch onto these things,” Zayne teased. James flipped him off. “No sex until you tell me where we’re going on the honeymoon.”
“Too bad you can’t drink if you’re knocked up, cowboy,” James joked back.
Andrej drove the giant, Pepto-colored Hummer limo back to the station, all the while thanking every god to have ever been named that Zayne was not a woman. And then he thanked them all again for making sure that a man could not get pregnant.
Four hours later, they were back at the courthouse filing for an annulment. As it turned out, they had been drugged, but whether it was Spongebob’s fault or Captain America’s, or… any of the other bizarre characters they’d encountered on Fremont Street the night before, they might not ever know.
“Oooh, so now we need to celebrate,” Zayne said, leaning against the front seat, alternating his attention between Andrej on the driver’s seat and James on the passenger side.
“What do you have in mind,” James asked, fatigue starting to set in.
“Food, drinks, and sex,” Zayne suggested. “Maybe not in that order.”
“Alcohol is what got you into this situation,” Andrej reminded him. “A single, divorced, mother-to-be.”
James snorted.
“I would not be so amused if I were you,” Andrej continued. “You are the one who got him drunk, married him, and knocked him up.”
“Says the guy who woke up with two women,” Zayne pointed out.
“And is driving a hot pink limo that could likely tear through the Mojave without a second thought.”
“I am going to leave you two on the nearest street corner,” Andrej threatened.
“Can you please wait until we’re out of downtown,” Zayne begged. “We’d at least have a fighting chance on the Strip.”
“Does Spongebob have unfinished business with you, Zayne?”
“No idea,” Zayne said. “But let’s not chance it.”
“Oh, Zayne? James,” Andrej said, pulling the hulking beats of a Hummer off Las Vegas Boulevard and onto I-15. “Trish found the video of your wedding online. I believe she and Hilary are planning a shower-slash-congratulations party.”
“Can she add baby shower to that list,” he asked, grinning at the redhead.
“You are not pregnant, Reyes,” James practically shouted.
“I guess we’ll see, won’t we,” Zayne said, patting his belly. “But you better pamper me until we know for sure or I’m taking you for all you’re worth.”
“Little does he know I’m not worth a dime,” James laughed.
Andrej shook his head and waved at the people gaping as they drove past. “I wish I knew who this belonged to officially,” he said. “I’m becoming very fond of this abhorrent thing.”
“No,” James and Zayne shouted. “We are not keeping it!”
“The minute we get home,” Zayne said. “I’m calling the plates in to Hil and finding out who owns it so I never have to look at it again.”
“That’s a shame,” James said, looking back at Zayne sprawled across the seat. “Looks like there’s more than enough room for all three of us back there.”
Andrej almost slammed on the brakes at James’ words.
“Just what you don’t need, narco,” Zayne grinned. “Is both of us pregnant. You’ll have to moonlight as a security guard to support Zek and I and our babies.”
“I am going to pull over now,” Andrej said. “And shove you both out and drive until I reach water. Then, I am going to drive into the water.”
Zayne laughed and James grinned at him. “Guess we should have stayed married,” Zayne said. “I mean, if Zek’s going to drown himself, who will take care of me and little Cayenne?”
“You’re naming the baby Cayenne,” James asked, stunned.
“I’m hoping she’ll be a little redhead with green eyes,” Zayne said.
“In that case,” James said, rolling his eyes. “I’ll take care of you and we can live in Andy’s house.”
“You are welcome to it,” Andrej said, pulling into Metro’s impound lot. His car was waiting outside, just as Trish had promised. All he had to do was turn over the keys to the limo, retrieve his own, and he’d be on his way.
“God, can we go home,” James groaned. “I’m exhausted.”
“Same,” Zayne said. “Zek?”
“I have to get my keys,” he said. “And we can be on our way.”
He left them standing, not wanting either to see his face when he called Hilary to let her know they’d be on their way soon. She’d promised to have the video playing on his big screen television when they arrived and he was oddly eager to see it.
“I’m never going to know what actually happened,” he said into his phone.
“Not a chance,” she agreed. “But think how much you’ll be able to use this against them over the next ten years, Andy. One of them pisses you off? Remind them they got married.”
“And have matching tattoos,” Trish added. He was obviously on speaker phone.
The idea made him grin. He wasn’t generally one for revenge or holding grudges, but he’d warned these idiots about the dangers of getting too damn drunk in Las Vegas. But nope, they insisted on trying to see who could drink the most.
“We will be home in about half an hour.”
“Perfect,” Trish said. “Video is queued up and the champagne is chilling. It’s going to be a party to remember.”
Andrej groaned. Those were the last words he remembered hearing last night. Shit. But hey, maybe he’d be the one getting married this time around.
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Date: 2019-05-24 10:51 pm (UTC)That is freaking hilarious!!!
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Date: 2019-05-24 11:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-05-25 04:00 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2019-05-25 06:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-05-25 02:02 pm (UTC)