![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
asphaltcowgrrlTitle: All Hail the Birthday Droid
Fandom: Almost Human
Pairing: John Kennex+Dorian
Rating: PG-13 because my headcannon is that Kennex has a potty mouth. And that Dorian brings it out in him. Heh.
Word Count: 1,847
Author's notes: Unbetad because I forgot to send it off. *hangs head* So, any glaring grammatical or punctuation errors should be pointed at and mocked, loudly. Written for hiddlepinebatch's birthday. I pray it's up to snuff. :)
“John?”
He looked up from the file on his desk and into the melted chocolate eyes of Detective Valerie Stahl. Swallowing down his initial reaction to her perfect face, he was a bit lost for words. “Yes?”
“You do know that tomorrow is Dorian’s birthday, right?”
Kennex squinted at her for a moment before chuckling. “Synthetics don’t have birthdays.”
“Maybe not, but they do have activation dates,” she reminded him.
“Shoulda stayed that way, too,” Kennex grumbled, leaning an arm on his desk. “So what are you saying?”
“That Dorian was lucky enough to get reactivated after being decommissioned. That makes tomorrow even more important to him.”
“And why should this matter to me? I don’t like him.” John pushed his chair back and stood, towering over the tiny detective. “Understood?”
“Whatever, Kennex,” she spat, glaring at his stubborn face. “But he is your partner and he’d remember your birthday.”
“So I should remember his re-commissioning day, huh? What has our world come to?”
“Have half a heart for once, John,” Stahl pleaded before turning on her heel and stalking off.
“All hail the fucking birthday droid,” he muttered to no one.
“Is everything okay, John?”
Dorian had already asked him this once, not long after they’d climbed into their respective places in his vehicle, but he’d ignored him then, like he planned on doing again. The stupid synthetic didn’t deserve a birthday party. No one made a fuss when he’d come back after being in a coma for seventeen months.
“That would be because when you returned you had ‘bad attitude, don’t touch’ written on your forehead,” Dorian commented.
“What the fuck?” He damn near swerved off the road when the words fully processed.
“You really shouldn’t think so hard while trying to drive, John,” Dorian grinned. “You tend to speak your thoughts out loud when you do.”
“Well isn’t that just lovely,” he snarled, fingers squeezing into a death grip on the steering wheel.
“Not always lovely,” Dorian mused, “but generally enlightening.”
“Have I mentioned lately how much I don’t like you?”
Dorian smiled, blue eyes glinting with mischief. “Only seven times since our shift started, Detective.”
“Then this makes eight.” Kennex fixed his gaze on the road, preferring to do the driving himself and not allowing the car to do it for him.
“Does this mean I don’t get a cake?” He shook his head sadly. “My programming said that every birthday was celebrated with cake.”
Kennex pressed his lips together tightly, sealing the irrational words inside his mouth for a change. The droid was getting on his nerves – again – and that was not conducive to a productive work environment. “Stop complaining,” he said instead of the words he’d been contemplating. “You don’t even eat anyway.”
“And to think I gave you a new leg.” The DRN made a disgusted noise and looked out the window. He just hoped John hadn’t spotted the smile on his face before he’d looked away.
John stood outside the bakery, debating. On the one hand, the goddamned DRN loudmouth didn’t deserve a cake. But, on the other, he was a million times better than the MX they’d first paired him up with. Although, there were times he’d much rather have a by-the-books MX as a partner than a thinking, sarcastic, mostly malfunctioning DRN.
At least Dorian got his jokes. Mostly.
Heaving a sigh, Kennex pushed open the door and strode into the bakery.
“Can I help you,” the synthetic behind the counter asked him.
“Yeah, I need a cake for a… oh hell. Never mind. Just give me that one.” He tapped angrily on the glass case holding samples of all their cakes.
“Would you like white, yellow, chocolate, carrot, red velvet, or spice cake?” The bot’s voice was bland but pleasant, the voice of any given synthetic he ran into on an average day.
“What?” John looked at the synth like she’d lost her mind. And who the hell knew there were so many kinds of cake? “Uh, chocolate, I guess.” Everyone liked chocolate and even if Dorian didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. He couldn’t eat it anyway.
“Excellent choice,” the synthetic baker praised him. “What kind of filling would you like?”
“Filling? A cake has filling?” He shook his head, trying to grasp the idea.
“Yes, sir. We have chocolate, of course and –”
“Chocolate’s fine,” he grouched. How fucking long did it take to get a damn cake anyway?
“Mousse, buttercream or ganace?”
“Mousse, for the love of god.”
“Now, what kind of frosting would you –”
“God damn it. Give me a chocolate cake, with chocolate mousse filling, and chocolate buttercream frosting. None of that royal icing shit or that other crap that’s so sickly sweet you can’t even eat it.”
The synthetic was silent for a moment and Kennex prayed she was processing his request so he could get the hell out of here. “Would you like a greeting inscribed in frosting,” she asked. “There is no extra charge.”
“Oh for the love of – no! Just give me my damn cake.” He closed his eyes for a second before adding on a ‘please’ for the sake of his own sanity.
She smiled and reached into the case and pulled out the cake he had pointed to in the begging. Placing it into a pink cardboard box, she tied it with a ribbon and placed it on the counter. “Here is your cake, detective.”
“Seriously?” Kennex looked heavenward, praying for strength and compassion he knew he hadn’t ever possessed. “That’s the cake I asked for when I came in here. Why didn’t you give it to me when I asked? On second thought, don’t even answer that.”
“Have a nice day, detective.”
“Whatever,” he growled, grabbing the cake and storming out to his car.
Kennex entered the station and sat the box on his desk. He was at least fifteen minutes late and was surprised that Dorian wasn’t hovering somewhere, ready to pounce. The damn DRN took entirely too much pleasure in reminding him of his failings. It was getting a touch old, to tell the truth.
“Anyone seen my partner this morning,” he asked the squad room. When no one answered, he left the area and promptly ran into Detective Stahl in the hallway. “Morning, Stahl.”
“Morning, John,” she replied, smiling. “You’re late.”
“Thanks for reminding me,” he said. “You’re getting to be as bad as that damn synthetic partner of mine.”
“Haven’t I told you that I do not like that term?”
“There you are,” Kennex said, turning to find Dorian at his right shoulder. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t use that term around you.”
“But you still use it,” he sighed. “And that is the problem.”
“You know, after what I went through for you this morning, I’d try and be a little nicer to me.”
Dorian cocked his head to the side, studying him. “What ordeal did you experience on my behalf this morning, John?”
“Oh,” Stahl laughed, one hand flying up to cover her mouth.
“Detective, I don’t understand.” Dorian looked from Kennex to Stahl, something close to actual puzzlement on his face.
“He bought you a birthday cake, Dorian.” She patted the android on the back and pushed her way into the squad room. “See that box? It has a cake in it.”
“Chocolate,” Kennex muttered.
Dorian smiled. “See, I knew you liked me all along, John.”
“Can it before I find out what kind of damage it can do to your internal systems.”
“Rudy would not be pleased,” Dorian suggested, striding over to Kennex’s desk and looking down at the box. With care, he opened the top and looked at the small, round cake covered in swirls of dark frosting. “I bet it’s delicious though.”
“It had better be,” John grumbled, batting Dorian’s hand aside and removing the cake from its prison. “Stahl, you have a knife?”
“Here,” Captain Maldonado said, pointing the knife’s handle in John’s direction.
“Where on earth did you come from,” he asked, surprised at her appearance.
Grinning, she motioned towards the cake. “I heard someone mention chocolate.”
“Women,” he muttered, cutting into Dorian’s re-activation celebration dessert. “Did you by any chance bring – oh. Thank you.”
“I saw you on the monitors when you came in, Detective,” she said by way of explanation. “I saw the Anton’s Bakery box in your hand and was hoping you had cake.” She winked at Dorian. “It is your partner’s reactivation day anniversary after all.”
“So everyone keeps telling me,” he deadpanned. “Here, have some cake, Captain.”
Kennex cut and served cake to everyone who came by, barely remembering to save any for himself. Normally, chocolate cake wouldn’t have even begun to interest him, but considering how the morning seemed to be going, he’d be damned if he didn’t get his slice.
“You know, that was awfully nice of you to think of Dorian like that,” Stahl complimented as she dumped her plate into the trash.
“Kinda hard not to when you scolded me for forgetting yesterday.”
Stahl grinned. “We have to have each other’s backs at times like this, right detective?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” he hedged, unsure of what she was getting at.
“I’ll remind him when your birthday comes around,” she promised, waving as she left his desk.
“She won’t have to remind me,” Dorian stated from behind him. “I’m programmed to remember minor details like that.”
“Minor details,” Kennex laughed. “Gee, thanks, Dorian.”
“You’re welcome, John,” he replied. “Thank you for my cake as well, even though I am unable to consume any of it. They say it is the thought that counts.”
“That’s what they say, Dorian.” He ran a hand through his hair. “So, you ready to go catch some bad guys, birthday boy?”
“You better believe it, John.”
“Well then, get a move on.” He pointed towards the exit and waited for the DRN to get his gears into gear. It was going to be a long day, but he was certain he’d survive it. Mostly certain, anyway.
“I reiterate my point from earlier, John. I knew you liked me.”
“I do not like you,” he lied. “Stahl made me buy you a cake.”
“Mm-hmm,” he muttered. “I’m sure she did.”
“Shut up or your reactivation day will be your re-deactivation day as well.”
“Yes, Detective,” Dorian said, grin creeping into the corners of his mouth. “Whatever you say.”
“First thing tomorrow morning,” Kennex swore as they left the building, “I’m asking Maldonado to reassign one of those aggravating MX’s to be my new partner. They talk back less.”
“You shoved your first MX partner out of a moving car,” Dorian reminded him.
“Correct,” Kennex said. “And it might be wise to remember that.”
Kennex watched Dorian take the lead, like the DRNs were programmed to do. He was a good partner, even if he was mouthier than the standard MX. But that was okay, too, because on occasion, Kennex could be a touch mouthy himself. Truly, they were a match made in someone’s fucked up version of heaven.
Fandom: Almost Human
Pairing: John Kennex+Dorian
Rating: PG-13 because my headcannon is that Kennex has a potty mouth. And that Dorian brings it out in him. Heh.
Word Count: 1,847
Author's notes: Unbetad because I forgot to send it off. *hangs head* So, any glaring grammatical or punctuation errors should be pointed at and mocked, loudly. Written for hiddlepinebatch's birthday. I pray it's up to snuff. :)
“John?”
He looked up from the file on his desk and into the melted chocolate eyes of Detective Valerie Stahl. Swallowing down his initial reaction to her perfect face, he was a bit lost for words. “Yes?”
“You do know that tomorrow is Dorian’s birthday, right?”
Kennex squinted at her for a moment before chuckling. “Synthetics don’t have birthdays.”
“Maybe not, but they do have activation dates,” she reminded him.
“Shoulda stayed that way, too,” Kennex grumbled, leaning an arm on his desk. “So what are you saying?”
“That Dorian was lucky enough to get reactivated after being decommissioned. That makes tomorrow even more important to him.”
“And why should this matter to me? I don’t like him.” John pushed his chair back and stood, towering over the tiny detective. “Understood?”
“Whatever, Kennex,” she spat, glaring at his stubborn face. “But he is your partner and he’d remember your birthday.”
“So I should remember his re-commissioning day, huh? What has our world come to?”
“Have half a heart for once, John,” Stahl pleaded before turning on her heel and stalking off.
“All hail the fucking birthday droid,” he muttered to no one.
“Is everything okay, John?”
Dorian had already asked him this once, not long after they’d climbed into their respective places in his vehicle, but he’d ignored him then, like he planned on doing again. The stupid synthetic didn’t deserve a birthday party. No one made a fuss when he’d come back after being in a coma for seventeen months.
“That would be because when you returned you had ‘bad attitude, don’t touch’ written on your forehead,” Dorian commented.
“What the fuck?” He damn near swerved off the road when the words fully processed.
“You really shouldn’t think so hard while trying to drive, John,” Dorian grinned. “You tend to speak your thoughts out loud when you do.”
“Well isn’t that just lovely,” he snarled, fingers squeezing into a death grip on the steering wheel.
“Not always lovely,” Dorian mused, “but generally enlightening.”
“Have I mentioned lately how much I don’t like you?”
Dorian smiled, blue eyes glinting with mischief. “Only seven times since our shift started, Detective.”
“Then this makes eight.” Kennex fixed his gaze on the road, preferring to do the driving himself and not allowing the car to do it for him.
“Does this mean I don’t get a cake?” He shook his head sadly. “My programming said that every birthday was celebrated with cake.”
Kennex pressed his lips together tightly, sealing the irrational words inside his mouth for a change. The droid was getting on his nerves – again – and that was not conducive to a productive work environment. “Stop complaining,” he said instead of the words he’d been contemplating. “You don’t even eat anyway.”
“And to think I gave you a new leg.” The DRN made a disgusted noise and looked out the window. He just hoped John hadn’t spotted the smile on his face before he’d looked away.
John stood outside the bakery, debating. On the one hand, the goddamned DRN loudmouth didn’t deserve a cake. But, on the other, he was a million times better than the MX they’d first paired him up with. Although, there were times he’d much rather have a by-the-books MX as a partner than a thinking, sarcastic, mostly malfunctioning DRN.
At least Dorian got his jokes. Mostly.
Heaving a sigh, Kennex pushed open the door and strode into the bakery.
“Can I help you,” the synthetic behind the counter asked him.
“Yeah, I need a cake for a… oh hell. Never mind. Just give me that one.” He tapped angrily on the glass case holding samples of all their cakes.
“Would you like white, yellow, chocolate, carrot, red velvet, or spice cake?” The bot’s voice was bland but pleasant, the voice of any given synthetic he ran into on an average day.
“What?” John looked at the synth like she’d lost her mind. And who the hell knew there were so many kinds of cake? “Uh, chocolate, I guess.” Everyone liked chocolate and even if Dorian didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. He couldn’t eat it anyway.
“Excellent choice,” the synthetic baker praised him. “What kind of filling would you like?”
“Filling? A cake has filling?” He shook his head, trying to grasp the idea.
“Yes, sir. We have chocolate, of course and –”
“Chocolate’s fine,” he grouched. How fucking long did it take to get a damn cake anyway?
“Mousse, buttercream or ganace?”
“Mousse, for the love of god.”
“Now, what kind of frosting would you –”
“God damn it. Give me a chocolate cake, with chocolate mousse filling, and chocolate buttercream frosting. None of that royal icing shit or that other crap that’s so sickly sweet you can’t even eat it.”
The synthetic was silent for a moment and Kennex prayed she was processing his request so he could get the hell out of here. “Would you like a greeting inscribed in frosting,” she asked. “There is no extra charge.”
“Oh for the love of – no! Just give me my damn cake.” He closed his eyes for a second before adding on a ‘please’ for the sake of his own sanity.
She smiled and reached into the case and pulled out the cake he had pointed to in the begging. Placing it into a pink cardboard box, she tied it with a ribbon and placed it on the counter. “Here is your cake, detective.”
“Seriously?” Kennex looked heavenward, praying for strength and compassion he knew he hadn’t ever possessed. “That’s the cake I asked for when I came in here. Why didn’t you give it to me when I asked? On second thought, don’t even answer that.”
“Have a nice day, detective.”
“Whatever,” he growled, grabbing the cake and storming out to his car.
Kennex entered the station and sat the box on his desk. He was at least fifteen minutes late and was surprised that Dorian wasn’t hovering somewhere, ready to pounce. The damn DRN took entirely too much pleasure in reminding him of his failings. It was getting a touch old, to tell the truth.
“Anyone seen my partner this morning,” he asked the squad room. When no one answered, he left the area and promptly ran into Detective Stahl in the hallway. “Morning, Stahl.”
“Morning, John,” she replied, smiling. “You’re late.”
“Thanks for reminding me,” he said. “You’re getting to be as bad as that damn synthetic partner of mine.”
“Haven’t I told you that I do not like that term?”
“There you are,” Kennex said, turning to find Dorian at his right shoulder. “In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t use that term around you.”
“But you still use it,” he sighed. “And that is the problem.”
“You know, after what I went through for you this morning, I’d try and be a little nicer to me.”
Dorian cocked his head to the side, studying him. “What ordeal did you experience on my behalf this morning, John?”
“Oh,” Stahl laughed, one hand flying up to cover her mouth.
“Detective, I don’t understand.” Dorian looked from Kennex to Stahl, something close to actual puzzlement on his face.
“He bought you a birthday cake, Dorian.” She patted the android on the back and pushed her way into the squad room. “See that box? It has a cake in it.”
“Chocolate,” Kennex muttered.
Dorian smiled. “See, I knew you liked me all along, John.”
“Can it before I find out what kind of damage it can do to your internal systems.”
“Rudy would not be pleased,” Dorian suggested, striding over to Kennex’s desk and looking down at the box. With care, he opened the top and looked at the small, round cake covered in swirls of dark frosting. “I bet it’s delicious though.”
“It had better be,” John grumbled, batting Dorian’s hand aside and removing the cake from its prison. “Stahl, you have a knife?”
“Here,” Captain Maldonado said, pointing the knife’s handle in John’s direction.
“Where on earth did you come from,” he asked, surprised at her appearance.
Grinning, she motioned towards the cake. “I heard someone mention chocolate.”
“Women,” he muttered, cutting into Dorian’s re-activation celebration dessert. “Did you by any chance bring – oh. Thank you.”
“I saw you on the monitors when you came in, Detective,” she said by way of explanation. “I saw the Anton’s Bakery box in your hand and was hoping you had cake.” She winked at Dorian. “It is your partner’s reactivation day anniversary after all.”
“So everyone keeps telling me,” he deadpanned. “Here, have some cake, Captain.”
Kennex cut and served cake to everyone who came by, barely remembering to save any for himself. Normally, chocolate cake wouldn’t have even begun to interest him, but considering how the morning seemed to be going, he’d be damned if he didn’t get his slice.
“You know, that was awfully nice of you to think of Dorian like that,” Stahl complimented as she dumped her plate into the trash.
“Kinda hard not to when you scolded me for forgetting yesterday.”
Stahl grinned. “We have to have each other’s backs at times like this, right detective?”
“Yeah, I guess so,” he hedged, unsure of what she was getting at.
“I’ll remind him when your birthday comes around,” she promised, waving as she left his desk.
“She won’t have to remind me,” Dorian stated from behind him. “I’m programmed to remember minor details like that.”
“Minor details,” Kennex laughed. “Gee, thanks, Dorian.”
“You’re welcome, John,” he replied. “Thank you for my cake as well, even though I am unable to consume any of it. They say it is the thought that counts.”
“That’s what they say, Dorian.” He ran a hand through his hair. “So, you ready to go catch some bad guys, birthday boy?”
“You better believe it, John.”
“Well then, get a move on.” He pointed towards the exit and waited for the DRN to get his gears into gear. It was going to be a long day, but he was certain he’d survive it. Mostly certain, anyway.
“I reiterate my point from earlier, John. I knew you liked me.”
“I do not like you,” he lied. “Stahl made me buy you a cake.”
“Mm-hmm,” he muttered. “I’m sure she did.”
“Shut up or your reactivation day will be your re-deactivation day as well.”
“Yes, Detective,” Dorian said, grin creeping into the corners of his mouth. “Whatever you say.”
“First thing tomorrow morning,” Kennex swore as they left the building, “I’m asking Maldonado to reassign one of those aggravating MX’s to be my new partner. They talk back less.”
“You shoved your first MX partner out of a moving car,” Dorian reminded him.
“Correct,” Kennex said. “And it might be wise to remember that.”
Kennex watched Dorian take the lead, like the DRNs were programmed to do. He was a good partner, even if he was mouthier than the standard MX. But that was okay, too, because on occasion, Kennex could be a touch mouthy himself. Truly, they were a match made in someone’s fucked up version of heaven.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-11-07 03:27 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-07 07:27 pm (UTC)