Day 1 - May 24th

[asphaltcowgrrl]

I joined an accountability group back at the beginning of the year to get both my workouts and my nutrition back on track. For the next 30 days, they’re doing a version of the 75 Hard program, although they’re calling it 30 *Kinda* Hard. Hahaha.

So, what I’m accountable for are two workouts a day – one outside, drink a gallon of water, keep my nutrition on track, and 10 minutes of personal development. Although, I whined and begged off having to actually go outside and exercise, seeing as it’s almost June and THIS IS THE FRIGGEN DESERT.

Anyway, my point here is that I’m going to take ten minutes and work on a journal prompt every day. I’m calling that personal development. And… if that journaling happens to take the form of Zayne doing a bit of navel-gazing… well…

What do I know to be true that I didn’t know a year ago?

When Troy died, I thought I’d never make it without him. He’d been such a huge part of my life starting when I was fifteen years old. How was I going to survive at forty-five without him?

For the first few months after we lost him, I was convinced that I wasn’t going to make it. That my in-laws were going to have to take the kids because there was no way I could go one more day alone. However, slowly, a transformation took place. One I don’t think I even realized was happening. Every day, I got a little more used to being on my own, growing more confident in my choices, my opinions, my ability to continue without the most important person in my life.
Now, here I am almost a year and a half later and I think things are going okay. I’m lonely, but that’s to be expected. I have my girls, but they’re about all I have because all my friends live inside this computer. *taps screen* Which is partially a hazard of working in an all-male company, I think. As long as I have people I can talk to, laugh with, connect with, even if it’s online or over the phone, I’ll be okay. I don’t need you in my face, I just need you in my life.

I’ll be interested to see what the next six months or a year bring me.

Oh, and if you care, my workouts were a 20 minute step aerobics/circuit training sort of thing plus a 10 minute stretch.

Comments

[sharpiesgal.livejournal.com]

Well, good for you. I'll happily cheer you on. ;)

[asphaltcowgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :) I can use all the cheerleaders I can get.

[thatwasjustadream (from livejournal.com)]

Ah, my heart broke a little reading this- I remember wondering how you were being so strong, and I don't think I had any idea how very hard it really was for you. I'm glad that you're finding your way and feeling grounded. The fact that you're looking forward and intrigued by what may be to come is a realllly good sign, for sure.

I hope you find the accountability program useful — certainly can't hurt, and a month, I believe I've heard, is a decent amount of time to set a new habit in.

My exercise today was a two mile walk. Nothing near what I used to be able to do, but I also had my latest infusion today. The meds I'm getting every few weeks (through early September) have the unfortunate side effect of making me ache like hell for a few days- and also make me tired and cranky/deflated. So I forced myself to walk it off. It helped. I'm still sore and my head aches (gotta pop some Tylenol) but I do feel better for having moved.

[asphaltcowgrrl.livejournal.com]

Aw, I'm sorry. Honestly, if I hadn't had the girls, I'm not sure how I would have held it together. And my in-laws helped a lot, too. Thank you though. Each day is a challenge it seems, but we're getting there, right?

Thanks. If nothing else, I'm paying more attention to what I'm eating, which I hate doing. I generally have a decent diet — lots of fruits and veg, not a lot of greasy takeout (one of the benefits of having a vegan child, the fast food she can eat is generally healthier). And that's what I'm thinking — if I can stick with this for 30 days, I might continue with it.

Considering what you've been going through, a 2 mile walk is huge. If you can have it, try eating some fresh pineapple after your infusions. It's good for post workout soreness, so maybe it might help with your post-infusion aches? Even if it's not, you got to eat some pineapple. LOL! Seriously though, getting out into the sunshine and moving is underrated. SO good to feel that sun on your skin.

*hugs*

[thatwasjustadream (from livejournal.com)]

Good tip, thanks! I'll always say yes to pineapple!

[asphaltcowgrrl.livejournal.com]

Hope it helps! I love me some pineapple, too.

[haldoor.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, go, you! I'm constantly amazed at your positivity, and it's good to hear that although you had your doubts at first, you know now that you'll carry on. I think having kids definitely must help with that as you know you wouldn't want them to lose both Troy and then you, if you'd given up. You are very strong, and watching you grow more and more — both in confidence and in health with your exercise routine, is inspiring, even if I don't say it enough! (and we won't even talk about how little exercise I'm getting!)

Good luck with this month's challenge, even if it's not outside! LOL! (BTW what is a 75 Hard program?)

[asphaltcowgrrl.livejournal.com]

Thanks, some days it's a struggle, but I do put forth my best effort, even if my best that day sucks. Yeah, absolutely. They're totally capable of doing a lot of things themselves, but they still needed their mom so I didn't have time to fall apart. Which means it'll likely happen sometime this year. HAHAHA. I do always know that you guys have my back, even if you aren't constantly saying so. :)

Hah — thank you! I could go outside in the mornings when I'm doing my initial workout, but dude, that's like 4 AM. And it's still dark.

So, I looked it up because I hadn't ever heard of it before this group either. What I found is that it's a 'mental toughness' program — you follow a diet, workout twice a day for at least 45 minutes (no thanks), drink 4 liters of water a day, take progress pics every day, take a 5 minute cold shower every day, and perform a random act of kindness every day. So yeah, I see why they're calling ours 'kinda' hard. LOL! Definitely a lot of work.