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Title: Mickey Haller, Vampire Attorney
Fandom: The Lincoln Lawyer Vampire AU
Pairing: Mickey Haller + Lorna Taylor
Rating: Stupid AF
Word Count: 394
Summary: Mickey, a vampire who is also a defense attorney, takes over the cases of his late friend, who was the attorney to the dead.
Author’s Note: Written for the numbers challenge at 1_million_words.  The prompt was 399.  This is all Kaige’s fault.  She is an enabler of my worst ideas.

“Lorna,” Mickey sighed, running his tongue over the tips of his extended fangs.  “How many client files do I still have to go through?”

“Three ninety-nine,” she said, looking up from the pile she’d just neatly stacked on his desk.  “Put your fangs away.  They mess with that sexy voice of yours.  Makes it less accent, more lisp.”

“Are lisps not attractive?”

She shrugged.  “They can be, but not in this case.”

He focused on what she’d just told him, hoping that’d make the damn things give up and retract.  Then it hit him.  “Wait, how many files did you say we have?”

“Three ninety-nine,” she repeated.

“Three hundred?”  His voice trailed off.  He’d kill Jerry if he wasn’t already dead.

“And ninety-nine,” she added, trying not to grin at the desperate look on his face.  “I guess it’s a good thing you don’t sleep.”

“And eternity to get through them, I suppose.”

Lorna shrugged.

Mickey sighed.  “And the judge?”

“Willing to send it to night court.”

“Great,” Mickey grumbled.  “As if I don’t have enough working against me.”

“Can’t imagine how tough it must be, being attorney to the dead.”  A laugh bubbled up and escaped her.  “Might want to get those ads off the bus benches and put them somewhere your clients might actually see them.”

“Don’t say it.”

“Like on the back of a hearse.”

“I asked you not to say it.”  He lifted his eyes heavenward, as if the man upstairs would have anything to do with him now.  “Is there anything else?”

“Just left you a bottle of wine,” she made air quotes around the words, “in the refrigerator for later.  If you don’t need anything else?”

“Go,” he said, waving her towards the door.  It was hard to stay mad at her when she worked so hard to keep him in business despite his current affliction.  That and her constant reminder to not use his hypnotic abilities on clients, witnesses, or judges.  “Have a good night.”

She gave him a little wave as she exited leaving him alone with the piles of client files.  Mickey looked at them and groaned.  Even with being immortal, there was no way he was ever getting through all these.

“Fucking vampires and their disregard for the law,” he muttered, grabbing the first file he saw and opening it up on his desk.

Date: 2022-05-24 10:04 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sharpiesgal.livejournal.com
*chuckles*

If Kaige hadn't encouraged this, I know I would have.

Loved it!

Date: 2022-05-24 10:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] asphaltcowgrrl.livejournal.com
Looking back at how the conversation between us went, yes, you would have. She was half channeling you as it was.

YAY. I really loved the series. Now all I need to do is plow through some of the Bosch books so I can get to The Lincoln Lawyer and The Brass Verdict. (Or do a rewatch of the show for um *cough* research)

Date: 2022-05-24 10:39 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sharpiesgal.livejournal.com
That's scary...not.

Rewatch for research. Sounds good to me.

Date: 2022-05-24 10:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] asphaltcowgrrl.livejournal.com
People seem to know how to bring out the crazy in me I guess. :D

Heh. :D Might actually start on Bosch here to tide me over.

Date: 2022-05-25 02:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaige68.livejournal.com
First — AWESOME
Second — HAHAHAHAHA
Third — And I don't know why, but it hadn't occurred to me that he'd be a vampire, more that he'd represent them. But I like this!!!

And D — I love it when words are my fault!!!! Go watch Bosch and write him into this too!!!

Date: 2022-05-25 02:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kaige68.livejournal.com
DAMN IT! It's fan fic and it could have been pool party next week!!!

Date: 2022-05-25 03:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] asphaltcowgrrl.livejournal.com
That's why I'll write something Bosch-centered next week. Right? Same universe, different series, so it counts?

(And I actually thought about this after I posted. I EVEN SUGGESTED THE LINCOLN LAWYER.)

Date: 2022-05-25 03:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] asphaltcowgrrl.livejournal.com
You're killing me right now. I like that I surprised you with that!

YES. Bosch is next, although I've read enough of the books at this point that I think I can get him without the show. :D

Date: 2022-05-25 09:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sharpiesgal.livejournal.com
Yes, I'm all for Harry. Besides, Mickey's his half-brother anyway.

Always good to have a lawyer in your pocket even if he's a vampire.

Date: 2022-05-25 09:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] asphaltcowgrrl.livejournal.com
I love Harry. :) I knew he was Mickey's half-brother, I think Harry mentions him at one point in the early books? Not sure if it's by name or not though.

Oh god, I'm saving that last line for next week when the pool party begins. I can see Harry saying that to Jerry Edgar or something. Yeah. I need help.

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