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asphaltcowgrrlTitle: A Fishy Situation
Fandom: Romani Detective Original Fiction
Pairing: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,999
Summary: Andrej comes home to find something unusual on his couch when returning home from yoga.
Author’s Note: I wrote this for the songfic challenge at 1-million-words. It’s late and it’s very, very stupid, but hey, this fic is more than I wrote in all of November so, win? The song I chose was Super Tuna by Jin. I’d asked Kaige for a K-Pop song since I’d been having a run of days that left me feeling like nothing made sense. Annnnnd… since I don’t speak Korean, I felt that this would best express how nonsensical everything felt at the time. This is the fourth try to make something out of this song, so hopefully it’s at least amusing.
tuna
참치
super tuna
슈 퍼 참 치
He stopped dead in his tracks. Someone had left a giant stuffed fish on his couch, and it took up two thirds of it. Andrej scratched his head, confused. Jay hadn’t been by in a couple of days, so it hadn’t been him, and Zayne was in Texas visiting his parents. So, where on earth had the fish come from?
“A better question,” Hilary asked an hour later, while staring at the confounding thing, “is what kind of fish is it.”
“A tuna,” Trish offered up. “Or, at least, I think it is.”
“It’s one hell of a super tuna,” Hilary said, laughing.
“It’s a rainbow trout,” Jake said, pointing at the fish’s colorful side. “See?”
The women looked at him as if he were nuts. “I don’t have any idea why his belly has anything to do with this,” Trish said.
Feeling a headache forming behind his eyes, Andrej sighed. “Rainbow trout are known for the stripe along their sides,” he said, pointing at what Jake had noticed earlier. “They are also very tasty when cooked properly, but that is not important right now.”
He gazed at the trout, still confused.
“We lost him,” Trish said, nudging Hilary. “He’s thinking about dinner now.”
“I am not,” Andrej said, only partly lying. Had he had the time, he’d fish for his own, but he had more pressing things to do than that. Although, once Zayne was home again and the world stopped imploding on him, maybe they could. Zayne liked to fish. Maybe Jay did, too.
“We’ve really lost him now,” Jake laughed. “Zeklos?”
“I am here,” he grumbled, wishing he’d never called Hilary. “And I am still very, very confused.”
A pounding heart
팔딱팔딱 뛰는 가슴
Where did my fish go?
내 물고기는 어디 갔나?
After he managed to herd everyone out of his home, he hefted the trout up off the couch and over his shoulder. Andrej was not a short man; however, the fish was nearly as large as he was, making it quite the adventure getting it down the hallway and into the spare room, tail slapping against his thighs as he walked. James had yet to lay claim to the room, so it was open to serve as a fish storage unit temporarily. Flopping the large fish onto the bed, he shook his head. Someone had a lot of explaining to do, and he was going to start by calling Jay, since he was in town, albeit busy with his sister and her growing family.
He retrieved his phone from the kitchen counter where he’d left it, but it rang before he could dial Jay. The +40 country code caused his heart to skip a beat. Nobody in his family would be calling him unless something was terribly wrong. Panicked, he answered the phone.
“Hello?” No, not in English, he scolded himself, the worry overtaking his brain. “Alo? Marku?”
He’d defaulted to the oldest of his younger siblings, assuming he’d be the one calling if there was trouble. But the light, sweet voice that hit his ears instead was that of his sister.
“Alina, what’s wrong,” he asked in Romanian, the words feeling odd in his mouth after so long speaking English.
She responded in that rapid-fire manner that always indicated worry to him. He found his brain had a difficult time keeping up, being so out of practice as he was. “Slow down,” he said, hoping that if she took a breath, maybe she’d not only speak more calmly, but would also feel calmer. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
In the end, it wasn’t as bad as he’d expected. Alina’s husband, Nicolae, had found a job in a bigger town making better money. However, the commute was too much on the unreliable, used Dacia he’d managed to buy, causing him to suggest they move to the town Nicolae was working in. That was what had sent his sister into a panic, understandably. She’d never been away from her family in her entire life, and even though she’d only be a few miles away, it was too much for her.
He'd convinced her to go with Nicolae and visit the town, get a feel for it, and go from there. She gave him no promises, but he was certain she’d fall in love with the place and all the amenities at her disposal. But he would wait and see what came of it before he put his hopes anywhere.
Andrej went back into the spare room, thinking of putting the fish into the closet so that it wasn’t in the way. However, it was no longer on the bed. “Where did my fish go,” he muttered, looking everywhere. Eventually, he spotted the tail sticking out from under the bed. Somehow, it had rolled off the bed and onto the floor by the wall, mostly hidden by the bedspread.
“You are a super tuna, indeed,” he said. “Even if you are not a tuna and instead a trout.”
He’d taken a step towards the door when he realized how ridiculous he sounded. Giving his head a shake, he left the room and told himself he’d call Jay.
East Sea, West Sea
동해바다, 서해바다
“There was a what on your couch,” James shouted through the phone. “Where the hell did that come from, Andy?”
“I have no idea, Jay, I am very confused.” He was pacing the living room, not believing he could possibly be more bewildered than he already was. “I was hoping you had sent it as a joke, but even then, I do not know how it got into the house.”
“Call Reyes, this has his smirking face all over it,” James said. “But can you send me a picture? I wanna see it.”
Grinning, Andrej said, “You have to see it in person to believe it, Jay.”
“Okay, say no more, I’m on my way.”
Well, he might be confused, but at least he won’t be alone for much longer. It was as much of a win as he was bound to get on this very, very odd day.
How about flounder?
광어면 어떠하리
“Oh, right, I forgot that arrived,” Zayne’s voice was more excited than it should have been in the situation.
“You – you ordered it,” Andrej asked, trying to make sense of a senseless conversation.
“Yeah, Rosewood said his sister was expecting another baby and that their little one was starting to get jealous of all the attention that the new baby was getting. So, I thought a gift might help.” Andrej could hear the smile in Zayne’s voice then. “I stumbled across this giant stuffed fish in a catalogue and –”
“What kind of catalogue has giant, stuffed fish in it, Reyes,” James asked.
“Bass Pro Shops, Gingerbread,” Zayne said, as if it were obvious. “Anyway, so I thought the kiddo would like a fish. A flounder or a shark or something. I went with the tuna though because I thought it’d be funnier.”
“It’s a rainbow trout,” Andrej pointed out.
“What? No, it was supposed to be a tuna.” Zayne swore in Spanish before returning to English. “Ah, I doubt the kid will care, but that’s not the point.”
“No, it is not,” Andrej agreed. “The point is now that I know you ordered it, how did you get it into my house without me knowing?”
“Oh,” Zayne said, sounding a bit sheepish. “You had texted me to let me know you were going to be incommunicado for a few hours while you went wherever it is you go when you’ve had too much of us assholes.”
“Yoga, Zayne, I went to yoga,” Andrej sighed.
“Right, anyway, I got a notification that the package had been delivered, so I called Karlsson and asked if he’d stop by and bring it into the house.”
Andrej blinked. “How did he get it inside, Zayne? I know the door was locked.”
“I gave him temporary access through the app that your fancy fucking garage door opener has,” Zayne explained. “It gave him access for a very short period of time. I had him text me when he got to the house and I activated it. As soon as he texted me that he’d left, I revoked it.”
Unsure whether he should be angry or not, Andrej did feel a bit of relief knowing how the fish had gotten inside. He also trusted Karlsson, which helped.
“I didn’t ask him to open the fucking thing though, so I’m sorry if it scared you, Zek.”
“It did not scare me, I –”
“Wasn’t expecting a six-foot tuna on your couch?”
“I think that’s putting it mildly, Reyes,” James said. “Would you expect a six-foot fucking tuna on your couch?”
“Well, I mean yes,” Zayne hedged. “I did order it after all.”
“Please,” Andrej said, feeling all the weirdness of the day leave his body. “When will you be home, Zayne?”
“In three days,” he said. “My flight lands around lunchtime on Thursday.”
“Thank god,” Andrej muttered. “What am I to do with the trout in the meantime?”
“You could load it in the bed of my truck and take it to Cecily,” Zayne suggested. “Not sure it’ll fit in your little car, Zek.”
“We’ll figure something out, cowboy,” James drawled. “See you in three days.”
“Brother, brother, please take me with you.”
"형, 형, 나 좀 데려가요"
“I think that I am going to bed,” Andrej said, his voice as weary as his body.
“Wait,” James said, grabbing Andrej’s arm lightly. “It’s only 2:30. What about dinner?”
“There are leftovers in the refrigerator,” he said. “It has been a very long day, Jay. I am not sure I can go another six hours until bedtime.” Did he not understand how much could happen in six hours?
You will grow up to be a great tuna
너는 커서 멋진 참치 되겠구나
Four Days Later
“So,” Zayne said, shoving the trout head into the bed of his truck, “he didn’t take it very well then?”
They’d wrapped the large fish in a mattress disposal bag that Andrej just happened to have. That his boyfriend had had one on hand and so easily accessible had worried Zayne just the littlest bit, but he tried not to think about it.
Jamess gave him a look. “I have never seen him so weirded out, but this fucking fish did it.”
“Man, I need to figure out how to make it up to him now,” Zayne said. He checked to make sure Rosewood had gotten the rest of the fish into the bed before he used a couple of bungee cords to secure it, so they didn’t have a flying fish incident once they got onto the highway.
“For once, cowboy, I don’t think you need to do anything,” the redhead said, surprising Zayne.
“Really? Why not?”
“Because as disturbed as he was by all of this,” he waved a hand at the fish, “once he knew the hows and whys he wasn’t as upset any longer.” He pulled the passenger door open, stopped, and grinned at Zayne. “I just wouldn’t bring any stuffies into the house for a bit.”
“Oh, shut up,” Zayne said, trying not to laugh. “I did this for you and your fucking sister.”
“I know, I know,” he said. “And we’re both grateful.”
Zayne glared at him.
“Okay, fine, I’ll buy you lunch after we drop off the tuna that’s not a tuna.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal, gingerbread.”
James was shaking his head as they drove off down the road, giant rainbow trout strapped to the bed of the truck. It was insane, and they both knew it, but what a hell of a story it would make.
Fandom: Romani Detective Original Fiction
Pairing: Gen
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,999
Summary: Andrej comes home to find something unusual on his couch when returning home from yoga.
Author’s Note: I wrote this for the songfic challenge at 1-million-words. It’s late and it’s very, very stupid, but hey, this fic is more than I wrote in all of November so, win? The song I chose was Super Tuna by Jin. I’d asked Kaige for a K-Pop song since I’d been having a run of days that left me feeling like nothing made sense. Annnnnd… since I don’t speak Korean, I felt that this would best express how nonsensical everything felt at the time. This is the fourth try to make something out of this song, so hopefully it’s at least amusing.
tuna
참치
super tuna
슈 퍼 참 치
He stopped dead in his tracks. Someone had left a giant stuffed fish on his couch, and it took up two thirds of it. Andrej scratched his head, confused. Jay hadn’t been by in a couple of days, so it hadn’t been him, and Zayne was in Texas visiting his parents. So, where on earth had the fish come from?
“A better question,” Hilary asked an hour later, while staring at the confounding thing, “is what kind of fish is it.”
“A tuna,” Trish offered up. “Or, at least, I think it is.”
“It’s one hell of a super tuna,” Hilary said, laughing.
“It’s a rainbow trout,” Jake said, pointing at the fish’s colorful side. “See?”
The women looked at him as if he were nuts. “I don’t have any idea why his belly has anything to do with this,” Trish said.
Feeling a headache forming behind his eyes, Andrej sighed. “Rainbow trout are known for the stripe along their sides,” he said, pointing at what Jake had noticed earlier. “They are also very tasty when cooked properly, but that is not important right now.”
He gazed at the trout, still confused.
“We lost him,” Trish said, nudging Hilary. “He’s thinking about dinner now.”
“I am not,” Andrej said, only partly lying. Had he had the time, he’d fish for his own, but he had more pressing things to do than that. Although, once Zayne was home again and the world stopped imploding on him, maybe they could. Zayne liked to fish. Maybe Jay did, too.
“We’ve really lost him now,” Jake laughed. “Zeklos?”
“I am here,” he grumbled, wishing he’d never called Hilary. “And I am still very, very confused.”
A pounding heart
팔딱팔딱 뛰는 가슴
Where did my fish go?
내 물고기는 어디 갔나?
After he managed to herd everyone out of his home, he hefted the trout up off the couch and over his shoulder. Andrej was not a short man; however, the fish was nearly as large as he was, making it quite the adventure getting it down the hallway and into the spare room, tail slapping against his thighs as he walked. James had yet to lay claim to the room, so it was open to serve as a fish storage unit temporarily. Flopping the large fish onto the bed, he shook his head. Someone had a lot of explaining to do, and he was going to start by calling Jay, since he was in town, albeit busy with his sister and her growing family.
He retrieved his phone from the kitchen counter where he’d left it, but it rang before he could dial Jay. The +40 country code caused his heart to skip a beat. Nobody in his family would be calling him unless something was terribly wrong. Panicked, he answered the phone.
“Hello?” No, not in English, he scolded himself, the worry overtaking his brain. “Alo? Marku?”
He’d defaulted to the oldest of his younger siblings, assuming he’d be the one calling if there was trouble. But the light, sweet voice that hit his ears instead was that of his sister.
“Alina, what’s wrong,” he asked in Romanian, the words feeling odd in his mouth after so long speaking English.
She responded in that rapid-fire manner that always indicated worry to him. He found his brain had a difficult time keeping up, being so out of practice as he was. “Slow down,” he said, hoping that if she took a breath, maybe she’d not only speak more calmly, but would also feel calmer. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
In the end, it wasn’t as bad as he’d expected. Alina’s husband, Nicolae, had found a job in a bigger town making better money. However, the commute was too much on the unreliable, used Dacia he’d managed to buy, causing him to suggest they move to the town Nicolae was working in. That was what had sent his sister into a panic, understandably. She’d never been away from her family in her entire life, and even though she’d only be a few miles away, it was too much for her.
He'd convinced her to go with Nicolae and visit the town, get a feel for it, and go from there. She gave him no promises, but he was certain she’d fall in love with the place and all the amenities at her disposal. But he would wait and see what came of it before he put his hopes anywhere.
Andrej went back into the spare room, thinking of putting the fish into the closet so that it wasn’t in the way. However, it was no longer on the bed. “Where did my fish go,” he muttered, looking everywhere. Eventually, he spotted the tail sticking out from under the bed. Somehow, it had rolled off the bed and onto the floor by the wall, mostly hidden by the bedspread.
“You are a super tuna, indeed,” he said. “Even if you are not a tuna and instead a trout.”
He’d taken a step towards the door when he realized how ridiculous he sounded. Giving his head a shake, he left the room and told himself he’d call Jay.
East Sea, West Sea
동해바다, 서해바다
“There was a what on your couch,” James shouted through the phone. “Where the hell did that come from, Andy?”
“I have no idea, Jay, I am very confused.” He was pacing the living room, not believing he could possibly be more bewildered than he already was. “I was hoping you had sent it as a joke, but even then, I do not know how it got into the house.”
“Call Reyes, this has his smirking face all over it,” James said. “But can you send me a picture? I wanna see it.”
Grinning, Andrej said, “You have to see it in person to believe it, Jay.”
“Okay, say no more, I’m on my way.”
Well, he might be confused, but at least he won’t be alone for much longer. It was as much of a win as he was bound to get on this very, very odd day.
How about flounder?
광어면 어떠하리
“Oh, right, I forgot that arrived,” Zayne’s voice was more excited than it should have been in the situation.
“You – you ordered it,” Andrej asked, trying to make sense of a senseless conversation.
“Yeah, Rosewood said his sister was expecting another baby and that their little one was starting to get jealous of all the attention that the new baby was getting. So, I thought a gift might help.” Andrej could hear the smile in Zayne’s voice then. “I stumbled across this giant stuffed fish in a catalogue and –”
“What kind of catalogue has giant, stuffed fish in it, Reyes,” James asked.
“Bass Pro Shops, Gingerbread,” Zayne said, as if it were obvious. “Anyway, so I thought the kiddo would like a fish. A flounder or a shark or something. I went with the tuna though because I thought it’d be funnier.”
“It’s a rainbow trout,” Andrej pointed out.
“What? No, it was supposed to be a tuna.” Zayne swore in Spanish before returning to English. “Ah, I doubt the kid will care, but that’s not the point.”
“No, it is not,” Andrej agreed. “The point is now that I know you ordered it, how did you get it into my house without me knowing?”
“Oh,” Zayne said, sounding a bit sheepish. “You had texted me to let me know you were going to be incommunicado for a few hours while you went wherever it is you go when you’ve had too much of us assholes.”
“Yoga, Zayne, I went to yoga,” Andrej sighed.
“Right, anyway, I got a notification that the package had been delivered, so I called Karlsson and asked if he’d stop by and bring it into the house.”
Andrej blinked. “How did he get it inside, Zayne? I know the door was locked.”
“I gave him temporary access through the app that your fancy fucking garage door opener has,” Zayne explained. “It gave him access for a very short period of time. I had him text me when he got to the house and I activated it. As soon as he texted me that he’d left, I revoked it.”
Unsure whether he should be angry or not, Andrej did feel a bit of relief knowing how the fish had gotten inside. He also trusted Karlsson, which helped.
“I didn’t ask him to open the fucking thing though, so I’m sorry if it scared you, Zek.”
“It did not scare me, I –”
“Wasn’t expecting a six-foot tuna on your couch?”
“I think that’s putting it mildly, Reyes,” James said. “Would you expect a six-foot fucking tuna on your couch?”
“Well, I mean yes,” Zayne hedged. “I did order it after all.”
“Please,” Andrej said, feeling all the weirdness of the day leave his body. “When will you be home, Zayne?”
“In three days,” he said. “My flight lands around lunchtime on Thursday.”
“Thank god,” Andrej muttered. “What am I to do with the trout in the meantime?”
“You could load it in the bed of my truck and take it to Cecily,” Zayne suggested. “Not sure it’ll fit in your little car, Zek.”
“We’ll figure something out, cowboy,” James drawled. “See you in three days.”
“Brother, brother, please take me with you.”
"형, 형, 나 좀 데려가요"
“I think that I am going to bed,” Andrej said, his voice as weary as his body.
“Wait,” James said, grabbing Andrej’s arm lightly. “It’s only 2:30. What about dinner?”
“There are leftovers in the refrigerator,” he said. “It has been a very long day, Jay. I am not sure I can go another six hours until bedtime.” Did he not understand how much could happen in six hours?
You will grow up to be a great tuna
너는 커서 멋진 참치 되겠구나
Four Days Later
“So,” Zayne said, shoving the trout head into the bed of his truck, “he didn’t take it very well then?”
They’d wrapped the large fish in a mattress disposal bag that Andrej just happened to have. That his boyfriend had had one on hand and so easily accessible had worried Zayne just the littlest bit, but he tried not to think about it.
Jamess gave him a look. “I have never seen him so weirded out, but this fucking fish did it.”
“Man, I need to figure out how to make it up to him now,” Zayne said. He checked to make sure Rosewood had gotten the rest of the fish into the bed before he used a couple of bungee cords to secure it, so they didn’t have a flying fish incident once they got onto the highway.
“For once, cowboy, I don’t think you need to do anything,” the redhead said, surprising Zayne.
“Really? Why not?”
“Because as disturbed as he was by all of this,” he waved a hand at the fish, “once he knew the hows and whys he wasn’t as upset any longer.” He pulled the passenger door open, stopped, and grinned at Zayne. “I just wouldn’t bring any stuffies into the house for a bit.”
“Oh, shut up,” Zayne said, trying not to laugh. “I did this for you and your fucking sister.”
“I know, I know,” he said. “And we’re both grateful.”
Zayne glared at him.
“Okay, fine, I’ll buy you lunch after we drop off the tuna that’s not a tuna.”
“You’ve got yourself a deal, gingerbread.”
James was shaking his head as they drove off down the road, giant rainbow trout strapped to the bed of the truck. It was insane, and they both knew it, but what a hell of a story it would make.
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no subject
Date: 2025-12-05 04:22 am (UTC)This was a delightful read. I can just imagine the look on Andrej's face seeing a giant stuffed fish on the couch. Nice use of the prompt.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-05 06:48 pm (UTC)Thank you! Hahaha — I know, right? Baffled doesn't even come close.
no subject
Date: 2025-12-06 10:17 am (UTC)Absolutely LOVE this!!!!
no subject
Date: 2025-12-08 08:56 pm (UTC)Thank you!
Your Award!
Date: 2025-12-06 10:24 am (UTC)RE: Your Award!
Date: 2025-12-08 08:56 pm (UTC)Aw, thank you! This is fantastic! I wasn't expecting anything since I was so late, so I'm doubly appreciative. :)
Re: Your Award!
Date: 2025-12-10 02:21 pm (UTC)